Take A Seat, Boys And Girls: Kate Upton Wants To Talk To You About Her Poop

by 3 years ago
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Sports Illustrated Swimsuit, Instagram


Growing up with all brothers, I’ve spent a good portion of my life believing that girls do not poop and that farts are a foreign concept to the female species. Granted, I’m also someone who believed the Tooth Fairy was real until I was like 16, but for many of my formative years I can’t remember hearing, smelling, or seeing a butt burp or anal snake from a lady. At least the Tooth Fairy left 25 cents as evidence of her existence.

Now, I know their clever tricks: pooping before a shower while the water runs, farting after a man to piggyback on the smell while owning none of the responsibility, etc. Nice try, ladies.

It’s only a matter of time before women are as disgusting with their bowel movements are their counter-species. And if anyone is going to lead that trend, it’s supermodel Kate Upton.

In an interview with Well & Good, Upton revealed her predilection for colonics. If you are unfamiliar with the process, a colonic, also known as colonic irrigation, is a medical procedure that involves a tube being inserted into one’s rectum. The tube transports water into the body and cleans out the colon and large intestine of any waste that’s been left behind.

“I’m also a big believer in colonics. Not only does it make you feel better — especially with all of the bad food I put in my body—but [I feel like] it helps cleanse you of any stress or any feelings you’ve been holding onto,” Upton said. “I’ve noticed a big change in everything — in my skin, my attitude, everything. You learn a lot about your body. I highly recommend it.”

Upton said that she starts every morning by having a glass of water with lemon at room temperature to get her digestion going before pounding a black coffee. I think I pooped just typing that.

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Happy Sunday! #buttday #bruceweber #sundayfunday

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Colonic irrigation, which has been praised by the likes of Gwen Stefani, Liv Tyler and Gisele Bundchen, is supposed to have therapeutic benefits by removing toxins, boosting your energy and enhancing your immune system.

But, according to the Mayo Clinic, there’s no evidence that colon cleansing produces these effects. In which case, Upton is sticking a tube up her butt for jack shit. Pun intended.

Related but totally not related:

[h/t Well & Good]

 

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.

TAGScolonicsKate Upton