People Shared Their Most Outrageous, Funny, And Bizarre ‘Walk Of Shame’ Stories
We’ve all been there. A late night of partying led to one thing or another. Next thing we knew the sun was up and it was time to go home. Only, my pants are nowhere to be found, I have no idea whose bedroom I’m in, and I really hope that smell is someone cooking Chinese Scallion Pancakes for breakfast and not something I did last night. Below, a bunch of people shared stories of their funniest, most outrageous walks of shame. These are nothing short of spectacular. If you’d like to share your own story, by all means, pop into the comments down below, but not until you read through these (via AskReddit):
In college, woke up the next day after a party across campus. Walked back to my house. Voting was a thing that day, lots of students out encouraging to vote. I walked into a campus building, interacted with lots of people, voted and left.
Got home to realize a big dI*ck drawn in sharpie on my forehead.
Was wondering why people were looking at me funny.
After a night of drinking at the bar, one of my friends decided that she was gonna make everyone perogies. I was upstairs and had no idea she was cooking until I heard a scream. I ran downstairs and there she was, with a wok on the stove and flames rising from it steadily, licking the ceiling. I yelled for another buddy to open the Juliette balcony we had next to the kitchen. I grabbed the flaming oily mess by the panhandle, trying not to spill the flaming oils as I carried it to the balcony and tossed that fucker right out onto the paved alleyway below. I burnt my hand doing so. A few burn marks were formed around our kitchen. Our house had come very close to being a fire scene because of drunken perogies.
Anyway the next morning she went out and collected this misshapen, now-destroyed wok from the alleyway. I always refer to this as her wok of shame.
Today, I walked through my college campus wearing nothing but overalls cut off mid shin and a Mario hat in the rain.
I went out to a Halloween party as Mario, ended up at a friends house throwing up in his sink. Woke up with no idea where the rest of my clothes went but knew I had to get to my dorm, a mile away, to get dressed for class. Unfortunately, I made this walk in between classes so plenty of students saw a defeated mario.
Made great friends with a dude at this party the night before, we both separately take home girls on opposite sides of our college campus. Morning after I’m walking home about 8am and cross paths with my new best bud so I ask “walk of shame?” To which he responds: “it’s not a walk of shame if they were a 10/10, it’s a walk of glory”. Been using that term since.
This happened pre-walk of shame
So one time my friend John and I drove a couple hours to Boston for an old friends birthday party that we hadn’t seen in awhile. It starts as a house party and after that sort of dies down we decided to go hit some bars. I hit it off with a girl, so we broke off from the group and stayed the night at her place. Next morning I wake up, get dressed, and head out into the kitchen. I almost shit a fuckin brick because who is sitting at the table? Fuckin John. We, completely unknown to each other, went home with girls who happened to be roommates.
College. Typical (not frat) house party, gym bros and yoga hoes theme. My friends ripped my shirt off mid party because testosterone and alcohol. Wearing nothing but gym shorts and joggers, somehow managed to still get laid. Wake up next morning and frantically look for clothing, didn’t find my shirt. This is when I remembered some cartoon I saw a while back of a woman getting locked out of her house in underwear. Her friend is jogging by and convinces her to jog along side to avoid embarrassment. I decide that that is a perfect solution and begin jogging back to my apartment on the other side of campus, pretending to be out for my normal morning routine. its maybe -1c out, nipples able to cut diamond, jog past someone in long spandex, sweater, gloves, and ear muffs. Totally worth it TL;DR: a cartoon told me to risked hypothermia so I didn’t have to ask one night stand for clothing
During the beginning of my freshman year of college, I was sleeping with a guy for a couple of weeks, let’s call him Matt. We weren’t dating, just hooking up, but both realized that we weren’t really compatible outside of the bed, so we moved on.
During finals week in the second semester, I hooked up with a great guy and was massively hungover, doing the walk of shame across the quad back to my room. It was a sunny, clear May morning. I had cigarettes, and was patting down my pockets looking for a lighter, when I stumbled across Matt, also doing the walk of shame and massively hungover, having a nic fit because he lost his cigarettes the night before when he hooked up with some girl at a party.
He had a lighter, I had cigarettes, we sat down and had a smoke, then completed the walk of shame back to our dorm, telling each other to have a good summer when he got off the elevator on his floor. What a carefree time of life my first year of college was.
A couple Halloweens ago, I went out with a lovely lady to a party. I went as Agent Venom from Spider-Man. We hooked up and she let me crash at her place, which actually was not supposed to happen, so morning rolls around and I realize that I have no change of clothes. Fuck. So, I basically say “screw it” put my costume back on (sans the mask) and walk to my car. On the way to my car, I see a dude around my age in a Spider-Man outfit walking towards me. He starts to say something and I just say “can it, Parker! I’m busy!” and we laughed, but I kept walking to my car. Got in, and drove home. The end.
Met a girl on Halloween and her group of friends, she invited me back, we had like five more drinks and she was too drunk to function. Took her home, took care of her while she puked, and we woke up together and cuddled. She thanked me and invited me to stay the day with her. I did, and stayed the night again, and then on November 2nd I had to walk home as a Ninja Turtle through the financial district of our city
In middle school I had khaki pants on. Thought I had to fart, but it was actually the beginnings of liquid diarrhea and it happened while walking between classes. I went in the bathroom and tried to clean up in the stall, but it was already too late – the shit had seeped through my undies and all on the back of my khakis.
Walked straight out of the bathroom (mid-period, so no one saw), out the door and walked home without telling a soul. I lived about 3/4 of a mile away from school and had to walk a main street to get home. Most shameful walk of my life. Can only imagine how many people drove by and saw me walking with my shit-stained pants along the main street.
I was at a party where everyone dressed up as old people. I had a white wig and everything. At one point I traded my pants for bathrobe because why not.
At the after-party, someone had popped a big moving-box worth of popcorn. I’m never sensible enough to stop partying I was the last one to go to bed at that party I slept in the box of popcorn.
It looked a little weird the next day on the bus ride home when a guy without pants dressed as an old man with popcorn everywhere was trying to survive a hangover.
I think it looked like I was a confused old man that had escaped from the old folks home.
Well, there was that one time I dressed as Catwoman for Halloween, which was a Friday, slept at a friend’s, then had to walk of shame back to my dorm on a football Saturday. I went to a Big 10 school, so there were a LOT of people out and about.
In college I went to a Halloween party dressed as one of the Zoltan guys from ‘Dude Where’s my Car?’ (basically shorts, wife beater and a bubble wrap jumpsuit). I ended up hooking up with a girl a couple blocks from my house. Now, in order to get said hookup done we had to destroy the bubble wrap suit =(…I know. She also happened to be a terrible scratcher. So the next afternoon I’m walking down the main drag toward my house near campus in shorts, a wife beater LITRALLY covered in blood down the back, and carrying about 3 pounds of bubble wrap in 30 degree weather. I ended up getting a couple round of applauses from neighboring houses accompanied by some beers!
One of my uncles is a balding pediatric nurse with a habit of falling asleep when drunk. My other uncle has a habit of playing pranks when drunk. Other uncle drew dick sharpies on the back of passed-out bald uncle’s head last Christmas. Bald uncle went to work like that on Boxing Day. 9 hours of his shift had passed before anyone alerted him.
Hooked up with this guy. Realllyyy wanted to leave, but didn’t have my car with me and it was 5am, so I laid there. He woke up and went to the bathroom, and for some reason I thought this was my chance to leave. So, I decided to climb down from his balcony and walk 2 hours home with my dress on, and bra and underwear in my hands… And I was barefoot… Because I forgot my fucking shoes. Many crackheads were alllll about me during that long walk.
Getting the bus back home on a Sunday morning wearing a tiny skirt and a corset top, having lost my nice large coat sometime during the evening. Girl I’d hooked up with didn’t even offer me a jumper to wear. And obviously the bus was full of judgey old people
Sitting on the curb looking a hot mess waiting for my uber when the guy I just hooked up with strolled by with his friend to go play an early game of tennis
Woke up in dude’s apartment realized I was 1 hour late for my campus gyno appointment. I walked to the campus clinic and went to appointment in last night’s clothes. Nurse gave me a year’s worth of birth control in a bag and said, “you need this.”
Said, “thanks,” and then I walked back to my apartment with my loot.
Our school was notorious for seagulls.
Thousands of kids littering all day must’ve seemed like paradise for them. They pretty much took over the entire school.
Somebody being shit on by a seagull was an everyday occurrence, in the end people were just so used to it that people didn’t really bat an eyelid, unless it was comical in some way.
I was walking to lesson with my buddy. I felt something hit my back, it felt like a friend had come up and slapped me on the back to say hi or whatever. I turned around and there’s nobody there, I turn to my buddy and his face is in shock. He’s pointing at my back and I can see him charging up to let out an almighty laugh.
I take my jacket off and see what’s up. At this point my friend can barely breathe, he’s causing a huge scene, everybody is fucking looking over or crowding round to see what’s up.
This bird shit on my back was this size of a fucking dinner plate, to this day I’m still convinced that it must of been an eagle or an albatross or something that did this to me.
I had to walk to my next lesson with my jacket at arms length, with people following me and laughing their head off.
Fuck that bird.
Last, but not least…
Strap in, friends. This night helped shape who I am.
Sophomore year of college at a big state school in the American Midwest. Fraternity toga party.
I should preface this by saying I had nothing under my toga besides a pair of boxers. I gave my wallet and my phone to a friend (who smartly wore shorts under his toga).
I don’t remember much of the party. I pregamed with 10+ natty lights through playing Irish poker. The last thing I remember is being handed a four loko and being told to shotgun it as soon as I walked up to the party. Shot gunning that four loko was easily one of the most disturbing moments of my life. If you’ve ever had a four loko, you know what I mean.
Fast forward to about 3:30am. I wake up on the floor of a dorm room (!!!). Not only was I naked, but I was still extremely hammered. I got up and saw a girl passed out on the twin-sized bed (fuck). But that explains why I was on the floor; a twin is way too small for two people.
But that doesn’t matter. After standing up I go in full panic mode. Where the hell was i? What happened? Who is this girl?? I never do anything like this, at that point I had only ever had sex with two people in my life. I assumed that we hooked up, but who knows? I had never done anything like this. I was shook as hell.
I start to rummage for my toga (a dirty bedsheet), my underwear, and my shoes. I mentally slap myself for not having a phone or wallet. After I found all of my things scattered on the floor around me, I start the process of figuring out where the hell I am. Can’t just open up my phone and look at the gps, no sir. That would have been too smart.
Quietly walk out of her door. To my left, a long hallway, lined with more dorm rooms, that veers off to god knows where. To my right, the door to a stairwell. Thank Christ.
Oh, I should also mention that at the beginning of the night, my friend wrapped my toga for me. I had no idea how to wrap a toga. So I’m essentially holding it around my waist like a bath towel.
In the stairwell, I found out I’m on the seventh floor. I descend seven flights of stairs. At one point I walk past a group of 3-4 drunk girls heading up. Hey, ladies. I’m doing great, how are you?
At the bottom there’s a door that leads outside. I walk outside the door and realize I’m at a dorm on the southeast side of campus. I live in the northwest. I’m 2 and a half miles from home. With no phone or wallet (fuck!!!).
Then begins the longest walk of shame I have ever had. A dirty bed sheet wrapped around my waist, at around four o clock in the morning, in January in the Midwest (it gets pretty damn cold). I did a lot of self-reflection on that walk.
Eventually I got home though. Microwaved a frozen burrito and slept like a baby.
Well, bros, that wraps up the coverage from my end but if you want to keep on reading these AskReddit stories you can CLICK HERE to see that thread in full! As always, you can drop your story/ideas/thoughts in the comment section down below.