5 ways a day drinking session always ends


Day drinking is a thing of beauty, but it’s nearly impossible to parlay that into a real night out. Here are the 5 most likely ways your day drinking session is actually going to end. Spoiler alert: it’s not with a crazy orgy.

All by myself

I know some of you are Johnny McBadass, and there’s no way you aren’t raging all through the night. Unfortunately your group of friends isn’t as fratalicious as you, and now your group of ten is down to one. Enjoy hanging out at the late night bar by yourself. What’s the worst that could happen?


Passed out

As entertaining as it makes you, alcohol is still a depressant. Drink enough of it, and it’s going to be lights out. That’s especially true if you’ve just been sitting at a bar not doing anything all day. Unfortunately most bouncers and bartenders have seen enough people “resting their eyes” to know better.


Puking at the bar

Something about the afternoon makes people want to drink more aggressively than they normally would. There are more shots taken and beer chugged before halftime of an 11am football game than there are between 10-12pm. It’s counter to logic because you literally have all day to get drunk, but apparently we’re determined to be shitfaced ASAP. Add in a few more shots to celebrate/mourn the result of the game, and you have a vomitous recipe.


In a food coma

Going to get something to eat seems like a brilliant idea. You’re going to need fuel if you’re going to last all night. The problem is that drunk people don’t go out for a nice beet salad. They get burritos and pizza. Now in addition to your general binge drinking fatigue you’ve added a food coma. You’ve pretty much punched your ticket home. There’s no coming back from an El Gordo.


Taking an ill-fated nap

Unlike passing out at the bar and getting Uncle Philled out the door, you voluntarily decide to take a nap. After an hour of rest you’ll surely be ready to go out, right? Wrong. 99/100 times a nap equals the end of your night. If by some miracle you manage to wake up, which you won’t until 3am, there’s no way to convince yourself going out is still a good idea. You’re already home and comfortable. Plus you don’t know where your friends, are and you’re starting to feel like shit. Not even Raoul Duke could get himself back to the bar.