How to make Peanut Butter Oreo Cheesecake Bars

Colin Joliat


You might not be able to diagram the headline of this article as a sentence, but any collection of those words will result in a ridiculously good dessert. I’m a simpleton too, so you know these Peanut Butter Oreo Cheesecake Bars are easy to make.

Oreo Lasagna remains the most popular dish in the history of men’s websites, so I thought we should bring back the Oreo crust for another round of fun. This time we’re actually going to cook it so I can to try out my fancy gender-neutral Easy-Bake Oven. OK, so I don’t actually have one, but they make them now.

Colin Joliat


I’m assuming you don’t still have Peanut Butter Oreos left over from when you made the Ultimate Oreo Ice Cream Sandwich, so it’s time to go get more. The way we’ve been going you might as well sign up for a Costco membership and save yourself some money. As Wilford Brimley once said, “You can never have too many Oreos.” I think he’s just trying to hang on to his anti-diabeetus gig though.

Colin Joliat


This is when you’re going to make the crust of the Cheesecake Bars, so you want the crumbs to be as fine as me. Annihilate the Oreos in a food processor, blender, or the palm of your hand (like a man). If you don’t have any of those three things, I’m not really sure how you’re cooking. Sure there was that video of a girl with no arms making PB&Js, but we can all agree you’e not that talented.

Colin Joliat


I used wax paper because I wanted to seem like a fancy pâtissier, but at the end of the day it tore easier than toilet paper with mysterious blue liquid on it. I’d go with foil next time around to make life easier. It’s the duct tape of the culinary universe, just ask Guy Fieri.*

*Ed. Note: Guy Fieri did not act as aluminum foil consultant on this article. He just seems like the sort of guy who would say something dumb like that.

Colin Joliat


There aren’t any photos of making the cheesecake batter because there isn’t much to see. You put stuff in a bowl and mix it aggressively. Just don’t forget the sugar like I did the first time around unless you like food that tastes terrible. If that’s the case, you might as well not be reading these recipes because all my food is delicious.

Unlike the crust, you want chunks of Oreos in the actual cheesecake. Some might suggest just chopping the cookies with a knife, but this isn’t Master Chef. It’s the Guyism Grill. Put the Oreos in a plastic bag and smash them with a whiskey bottle. You know Wild Turkey make you angry. Then pull out the finest chunks to fold into the cheesecake.

Colin Joliat


“I wish you had smell-o-vision right now. OMG, aren’t I just hilarious?” Eff you Food Network chefs.

When you pull the Peanut Butter Oreo Cheesecake out of the oven it really does smell fantastic. This is the first time in the process you’ll actually believe you might pull this off. Unfortunately now you have to wait for a stupid amount of time. It has to cool down to room temperature only to then be covered and put in the fridge. It’s like a cruel culinary joke.

Colin Joliat


All you need to finalize your most glorious creation is a plate shaped like a penguin. I’ll assume you all have that and move on.

I’d recommend baking this the day before you actually need it so it can sit in the fridge overnight. Better to do that than to be counting down the hours waiting for it to be set. You don’t need that sort of stress in your life. People eat when they’re stressed, and you’re obviously watching your figure.


  • 1 pack Peanut Butter Oreos
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
  • 12 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
  • 1 cup granulated sugar
  • 3 eggs, room temperature
  • 6 tablespoons sour cream
  • 1½ teaspoons vanilla extract


  1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Line an 8×8-inch square baking pan with foil, allowing it to hang over two of the sides.
  2. Smash 2/3 of the Oreos into a mist as fine as the ocean’s.
  3. Drizzle the melted butter over Oreo crumbs and mix well.
  4. Press into an even layer in baking dish and bake for 10 minutes.
  5. Beat the cream cheese on medium-high speed until smooth, about 2 minutes.
  6. Gradually add the sugar and beat until incorporated.
  7. Go back a step. Did you remember the sugar?
  8. Add the eggs one-by-one, beating well after each, and mix until completely combined.
  9. Add the sour cream and vanilla, beating until incorporated.
  10. Chop remaining Oreos and fold cookie chunks into the crust at your own discretion.
  11. Pour the batter over the prepared crust, smoothing it into an even layer.
  12. Bake until the edges are set but the middle still jiggles like Kate Upton, about 40 to 50 minutes.
  13. Place the pan on a cooling rack and let cool to room temperature, about 2 hours.
  14. Cover pan with plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator for at least 3 hours (or up to 24 hours).
  15. Complain about previous step.
  16. Remove from dish, slice and serve.
  17. Eat every bar or be branded as a failure.

This recipe comes from Brown Eyed Baker. I don’t know how eye color relates to chefsmanship, but Michelle’s recipe was fantastic so it’s working for her.

Check out more absurd recipes from the Guyism Grill.