Word recently spread that Martha Stewart joined Match.com, and Conan O’Brien tracked down her dating video for the site. It features candles in hollowed out artichokes and a new and exciting way to encase your meat.
After watching that, I highly doubt she will be getting many suitors that are anything but gold diggers. But hey, if women can do it, why can’t men? I’m sure someone is willing to have awkward sex 8 times a year in order to milk that soy cash cow. Plus, they say prison takes years off your life, so she probably doesn’t have long to live anyway.
Here’s the real deal: