Aging is fucking relentless. I respect this granny’s zest for life, but when all my teeth start to fall out of my skull, I think I’ll just fall asleep and hope to never wake up. Life is telling me to leave it’s party. Like Life has turned the music off and is starting to clean up her apartment while I’m cracking open my tenth cold one. No one likes someone who just doesn’t know when to throw in the towel. Barry Sanders retired in the height of his career and he’s a goddamn icon, Brett Favre stuck around just long enough to throw a billion more interceptions and send pictures of his pale mushroom tip to cheerleaders. But for real, did you guys see that chess piece? Brett, Dick Pic 101: rub it up a little bit, get some fucking blood flow, or keep that Jolly Rancher zipped in your Wrangler’s. I really never planned for half of this post to be dedicated to Brett Favre’s dick, so let me get to the moral of the story: Remember me for what I’ve done, not for what I’ve become. Happy 102, grandma.