Sometimes I wish I was able to work inside of an emergency room because it means I could witness all of the bizarre reasons people end up there, and I’m sure most of the people in there would have a story to tell about how they became injured. But then I remember that the staff in emergency rooms work long hours, are generally underpaid for what they do, and they have to deal with a ton of gross shit that just makes me gag. So, instead of being on the front lines in the emergency room asking people for their stories, I searched the web to round up some of the most bizarre trips that landed people emergency room.
8. Man Has Blood Alcohol Of Five Times The Legal Limit Despite Not Drinking
Doctors simply couldn’t believe it when a 61-year-old man entered an emergency room incredibly intoxicated, but insisted that he hadn’t drank a single drop of booze. He was issued a breathalyzer test, and it is reported that he had a blood alcohol concentration of 0.37%, or five times the legal limit in the state of Texas. While many people suspected that he was hiding the fact that he drank alcohol that day, Barbara Cordell and Dr. Justin McCarthy decided to take on this bizarre case.
“He would just get drunk out of the blue — on a Sunday morning after being at church, or really, just anytime,” said Barbara Cordell, the dean of nursing at Panola College.
In order to figure out why the man was getting drunk for seemingly no reason, Cordell and Dr. Justin McCarthy isolated the man in a hospital room for 24 hours. During his isolation, he was given carbohydrate-rich foods and ended up with a blood alcohol concentration of 0.12%.
They discovered that the man’s belly was actually brewing booze due to a buildup of yeast in his gut. When the man ate or drank starch-heavy foods, such as bagels and pasta, the yeast in his belly fermented the sugars into ethanol, which would then be absorbed by his body and would make him intoxicated.
This buildup of yeast can happen after patients take antibiotics, killing bacteria that stops yeast from growing and thriving. The man, suffering from “Gut Fermentation Syndrome” was treated by taking anti-fungal medication, and switching to a low-carb diet, according to the study published by Cordell and McCarthy.
7. Numerous Children Taken To ER After Hot Cheetos Cause “Bloody” Poop
According to numerous articles posted in 2012 by various news sites such as CBS News and Gawker, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos had been causing a panic among parents, but for a reason that you wouldn’t ever suspect. Many kids who had eaten bags of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in the past were taken to the emergency room after reporting to have reddish poops, that looked an awful lot like blood.
Although cases like this have been around for years, it isn’t through the fault of the Cheetos. Well, it sort of is. The delicious snack isn’t causing children to poop blood, although it may look that way. What’s actually occurring is that children that are eating the snack in excess, are having their stools dyed by Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
Flamin’ Hot Cheetos fall into a category of snacks known as “hyperpalatable” meaning that they are particularly addictive, because of their excessively high fat and salt content. This has led to several school districts actually banning Flamin’ Hot Cheetos because kids will choose to eat an entire bag of them for their lunch rather than actual nutritional food.
6. Every Year 86,000 People In The U.S. Go To The ER After Tripping Over Their Pet
While having a pet has many emotional and health benefits, their presence can result in you taking a trip to the emergency room. Dr. Judy Stevens analyzed data from 2001 to 2006 from the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System All Injury Program, which essentially archives information from emergency room visits. What she found was that around 86,000 people in the United States every year are sent to the hospital after tripping over their pets.
Although more pet-related falls occurred among children and adults in mid-life, elderly people are the most likely ones to break a bone, which can affect their long term health. Furthermore, while people trip over cats, dogs, man’s so called “best friend” are responsible for 7 times as many injuries as cats, often while they are being walked by their owners. In addition, women are more than twice as likely to have to take a trip to the emergency room than men are as a result of tripping on a pet.
Dr Judy Stevens added that obedience may help in preventing your pet from walking in between your legs, causing you to trip and fall.
Now, this may be a long shot… but I’m not sure that your pet isn’t deliberately trying to hurt you. Think about it. You have to feed them, pick up it’s poop, and it has trained you to let it outside whenever it stands by the door. I think cats and dogs are planning some sort of hostile takeover, or at least trying to show you who’s boss.
5. Couple Uses Sex Toy In The Supermarket
Thanks to TLC’s new show Sex Sent Me to the ER, we can sit back and listen to some of the most absurd sexual acts that we’ve ever heard. One of the stories is preferably notable, and involves a young couple who decided to take their sex life into the supermarket.
Using a remote-control vibrator, Ashley’s boyfriend, Dennis, could turn on the vibrator that was inserted in her… well, you know, whenever he felt like it. It started off as pretty harmless, Dennis would press the button as Ashley looked through the aisles.
While in the store, Ashley bumped into her friend near the produce section. Dennis turned on the adult toy, and Ashley started mumbling and stuttering and tried to leave the conversation as her sexual pleasure raged on. Her friend didn’t pick up on the hint that Ashley didn’t want to talk anymore.
Finally, Ashley was able to walk away from her friend, and Dennis turned the vibrator on a final time. While having an orgasm, Ashley fell to the ground, knocking her head on her way down. She was taken to the emergency room after she remained unconscious when Dennis ran over to her to see if she was okay.
4. Woman Suffers From Three-Hour Long Orgasm
Orgasms are supposed to be, enjoyable, right? Hell, if only orgasms could last forever, right? That would make life so much easier. You wouldn’t get anything done, but at least you would enjoy life all the time. Right? Wrong.
After having morning love with her partner, Eric, a woman only known as Liz, was fortunate enough to have an orgasm. However, after Eric got out of bed, Liz continued to have an orgasm. In fact, she continued to have an orgasm for an entire hour.
Naturally, Liz began to panic and was trying everything she could to try and stop her body from experiencing so much sexual pleasure. She says she tried hopping up and down to see if that would do anything, as well as having a glass of wine to calm down her system. She says she tried to do everything possible to stop herself from continuing to orgasm.
After two hours, the couple decided to head to the ER, where, unsurprisingly, they were stared at by almost everyone in the room with them. Finally, an hour of sitting in the hospital, Liz finally stopped having an orgasm.
Eric must be quite the sexual performer if he can give his partner an orgasm for three hours after having sex. He probably brags about it to all of his friends. Wouldn’t you?
3. Flying Squirrels Invade Emergency Room Twice In Two Weeks
In 2011, within the span of two weeks, two different flying squirrels trapped themselves inside of New Jersey’s Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital. Both flying squirrels were trapped in a 15-by-15-foot trauma room.
On one occasion, the squirrel infiltrated the room and managed to evade capture for quite some time. Even after the fire department was called to the scene, the squirrel still managed to avoid being caught. According to witnesses, the squirrel would climb up a light, and then glide off of it away from firefighters.
Despite it’s best efforts, the squirrel was eventually caught by firefighters after they threw a blanket over the squirrel when it was on the ground. The firefighters released the animal safely in a wooded area just outside the hospital.
Can you imagine needed serious medical attention, and upon arriving in the emergency room, you find that firefighters are trying to wrangle a squirrel? That’s not an event you’d forget anytime soon.
2. Live Eel Removed From Bladder After Entering Through Penis
Zhang Nan, a man from China, was bathing with live eels, which is an unorthodox spa treatment in China. The concept is based off of the trend in popular London spas that offer fish pedicures. Nan, thinking that the eels were going to make him look years younger, dove into the water and let the serpents feast upon layers of dead skin.
It wasn’t long before Nan felt a sharp pain in his lower region. After taking a quick look, he saw a small eel was working its way up his urethra into his bladder.
“I climbed into the bath and I could feel the eels nibbling my body. But then suddenly I felt a severe pain and realized a small eel had gone into the end of my penis,” recalled the 56-year-old man. “I tried to hold it and take it out, but the eel was too slippery to be held and it disappeared up my penis.”
Are you cringing yet?
Nan rushed himself to the hospital, where he underwent an emergency three-hour operation to try and remove the six inch eel from his bladder. “The diameter of the urethra in a man’s penis is just a little narrower, but because eels are quite slippery, its body worked as a lubricant and so it got into the penis smoothly,” recalled the surgeon, Jin Wang.
Yeah, a doctor with the last name Wang had to perform an emergency procedure on a penis. It’s almost too good to be true.
1. Man Gets Jump Rope Stuck In Penis
Yes, another Chinese man had to take an embarrassing trip to the emergency room as a result of trying to increase his sexual pleasure. The middle-aged man asked to remain unnamed, checked himself into a hospital after he inserted a jump rope into his urethra for “sexual pleasure” but in the process, the rope became knotted and lodged into his bladder.
An x-ray revealed that the rope had four knots stuck in the absolute narrowest part of the patient’s urethra, with around 10 centimeters dangling out of the urethral opening. Yeah, ow.
The urologist, hilariously named Dr. Dong, said the rope was 1.1-meters long, and 4.4 millimeters thick. Dr Dong called the man’s masturbatory stunt “ridiculous” because the man put his own life at risk.
That being said, it should be noted that it isn’t just Chinese men that like to stick unusual objects inside of their bodies for pleasure. In fact, a 70-year-old Australian man got a 10-centimeter fork stuck inside of his penis. However, we’ll save that story for another time.
[Sources, header image via Shutterstock]