Let’s Hear It For Americans, Who Are Killing The Dick Out Of Themselves With Booze

cheers

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It’s good to be good at something, so Americans should rejoice today. Sure, we’re 145th in education, 212th in infant mortality, negative infinity in national debt and dead last in days gone since our federal government completely embarrassed us (that’d be at zero days), but we’ve got something to celebrate today.

Perhaps with a drink. Actually definitely with a drink, because you’re gonna need to be hella intoxicated to keep this performance going.

America, Americans, (US!), are fantastic at killing each other and ourselves with our drinking.

Alcohol is killing Americans at a rate not seen in at least 35 years, according to new federal data. Last year, more than 30,700 Americans died from alcohol-induced causes, including alcohol poisoning and cirrhosis, which is primarily caused by alcohol use.

In 2014, there were 9.6 deaths from these alcohol-induced causes per 100,000 people, an increase of 37 percent since 2002.

Can I get a WHOOP and a whiskey on the rocks? Because those numbers aren’t even the full tally. Hell, no. We’re even more impressive than you thought.

This tally of alcohol-induced fatalities excludes deaths from drunk driving, other accidents, and homicides committed under the influence of alcohol. If those numbers were included the annual toll of deaths directly or indirectly caused by alcohol would be closer to 90,000, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Lol. A hundred thousand people a year. Alcohol’s practically worse than guns.

Please don’t repeal the 21st amendment.

[Via The Washington Post]