Couple of Amish Teens Got Pulled Over Going 110 MPH During An Evening L Ride

After doing about an hour of research for this story, the question I’m wrestling with is whether or not Amish people can drive cars? The Internet’s consensus seems to be ‘sometimes’, which is such a cop-out. ‘Sometimes’ is what you say when you don’t know the answer or aren’t sure whether you’re supposed to say yes or not. It’s like when you hang out with a completely new group of people and they ask if you ever do hard drugs. By saying “sometimes”, you are pleasing the group whether they don’t do drugs (“Sometimes I used to but I don’t do that anymore. Bad for the money-maker”) or if they constantly do drugs (“By sometimes I mean all the time!! Cut me a line, too!! You know what, make it three!! Let’s snort this shit until we have holes in the roof of our mouths!!”). See what I mean? Total cop-out.

So, regardless, it seems like these Amish teens who got pulled over fell into the category of being able to drive a car. Though, I guess in the long run it would have benefited them more if they fell into the other category. Which is just another argument against being able to cheat using ‘sometimes’.

Via FOX News:

“Police say a minivan full of Amish teens was pulled over Friday after reaching speeds of 110 miles per hour. Indiana State Troopers said the 2001 Dodge Caravan was clocked at the breakneck speed shortly before midnight in a 60 miles per hour zone on U.S. 31 near the city of Rochester. Troopers said that as they caught up with the speeding vehicle, they observed the teens throwing alcoholic beverages out of the windows.

When the teens pulled over, the troopers smelled a strong odor of alcohol coming from the vehicle.

They searched the minivan and found a large “jug” of whiskey, cases of beer and other bottles of alcoholic beverages. The 17-year-old driver, who only had a learner’s permit, had been drinking, as had two female passengers, ages 16 and 17, and two 16-year-old boys.

The driver faces charges for reckless driving, a person under 21 operating a vehicle with a blood alcohol concentration level between .02 and .08, minor consumption of alcohol, littering, learner’s permit violation, speeding, and unlawful possession of tobacco. The 16 year-old boys face charges for minor consumption of alcohol and unlawful possession of tobacco. Both teen girls face minor consumption of alcohol charges. All five were released into the custody of a relative of one the teens.

According to reports, the troopers initially had trouble contacting relatives, because they do not use telephones due to practicing the Amish religion.”

Lot to unpack here. For one, low-key hilarious but high-key confusing that the cops couldn’t reach the parents because of the ‘no cellphone’ rule. For one, I just have to imagine the look of both confusion and fury on these troopers’ faces when they tell the kids to call their parents and the kids responded with “What does that mean?” Police hate dealing with drunk kids. They’re probably worse than meth heads. At least you can knock a meth head unconscious because anyone that is going to come looking for them will understand. Kids have parents with lawyers. On the other hand, how come these Amish folk can use cars but not cellphones. Cellphones make the world go round. Are Amish people only allowed to use things that are 15 years old, explaining how they somehow have a 2001 Dodge Caravan? How did these kids even plan this excursion without cellphones? How do people plan anything with phones nowadays? Did they pass notes? Did they have a secret meeting under the stairs at church? Or was it more elaborate? Like smoke signals and shit?

Also, how about the balls on these 16 year olds. This was without a doubt either the beginning or the end of some sort of Amish rebellious streak. A jug of whiskey, weed, a (presumably) stolen car, 3 teenage dudes and 2 teenage girls. It’s clear that they were all on the highway to ‘first kiss’ city. Not sure if everyone was going to kiss each other or the girls were going to take turns rotating between the 3 boys, but kisses were going to be had. That’s probably why they were driving so fast. Just so damn excited to lock lips for the first time. It also explains away the booze and drugs. Everyone needs a little courage. Especially when mom and dad keep telling you to save yourself for marriage so you steal their car and run away to make mouth babies with a few modestly dressed hotties instead.

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