This Dude’s Automated Tinder Message Is The Most Polite Way For A Gentleman To Offer Up His Manhood



Odds are, we’re probably not that different, you and I. There’s a 93% chance the person reading this is much like I am: average looking guy with a body that says “I once played sports habitually but now I go for a light jog when my clothes start to feel tight.” Also, chronic masturbator. Voracious. Unhealthy at times. I take it that you probably think that I’m looking at you through your window, right now? Nah bro, I would never.

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Point is, despite what we present to the world–whether it be the clothes we wear or our Instagram following (but for real dude, follow me or I’ll cut you)–we’re probably both going to die without significantly impacting the Earth’s axis. Just a couple of guy’s guys who lived toeing the line between recklessness and responsibility and rarely turned down a cold 10 beers.

But how to differentiate oneself from a sea of regular dudes is the most quintessential skill of online dating. It cannot be underestimated. The “Hey” “What up” “A/S/L?” openers work about as well as Jason Pierre-Paul at Rock, Paper, Scissors. You need a hook. Allow this bro to educate us on a tried-and-true template for success.



Wait for it….




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[h/t Some e-Cards]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.