BRO OR NO? is an occasional series where we debate whether a move or a person is Bro. Today’s topic: Leonardo DiCaprio potentially banging Taylor Swift. Bring your heat to the comments section below.
On the surface, this seems like a slam dunk case. No Serial-like intricacies here. Today, Gawker brought me news that Taylor Swift has the hots for America’s biggest, broiest Bro King, Leonardo DiCaprio. From their celeb blog, Defamer.
The National Enquirer claims that [Taylor] has picked Leo as her “next conquest,” going so far as to have her manager arrange an interview with him so she can “put him to the test.” The boyfriend test.
According to the Enquirer, Tay has been texting Leo, or someone she believes to be Leo, “non-stop.” Leo will be her next boyfriend, and they will watch Titanic together every night with her cats and she will never let go, reportedly.
Sick. He should do this, right? Not date her, fuck no, why would Leo date anyone? Just tap it. Who wouldn’t want to tap Taylor Swift?
But when I proposed this hypothetical to the team, I was met with swift dissension among the ranks.
Brandon Wenerd: I think the answer is, unequivocally, that it would cause his bro stock to rapidly decline
i would lose respect for him
J Camm: He doesn’t need the money or fame. He has no reason to date her.
Brandon Wenerd: given her history, too, why even bother if you’re him.
J Camm: He strikes me as someone who would like even less publicity. Dating her would be a fucking nightmare.
David Covucci: Counterpoint
David Covucci: he gets to bone taylor swift
Brandon Wenerd: meh. “cool” but not leo cool
Despite these folks being above me, in terms of work seniority and ability to fire me, I can safely call them idiots. Taylor is hot. Plus, everyone knows crazy blonde girls are the best in bed (aside from crazy redheads, who are so good and so insane they don’t register on this scale). Why do you think dudes keep trying to date her? Because they like that she bakes? No.
Plus, you gotta think by now, at 26 years old, Taylor is smart enough to know when someone is using her for sex and emotionally stable enough to handle it if it occurs. (I think 26 is when most girls come to the realization and acceptance that every guy is using them for sex.)
If she can’t handle being screwed and ditched by Leo, that’s on her, not him. Or is seducing and manipulating a crazy chick not Bro?
I gotta say, I would call anyone who slept with Taylor Swift a Bro for life, except for Joe Jonas, John Mayer, Harry Styles, Jake Gyllenhaal, that weird fucking Kennedy, Taylor Lautner and this loser dude.
Wait a second. That’s a terrible list of people. Maybe boning Taylor Swift is not Bro. Maybe my bosses are right.
What do you say? Should Leo do it? If he does, is it Bro?
Let’s have it out.