Ditch The Specs Forever — We’ll All Have Bionic Eyes In The Next Few Years

Bionic Eye


I’ve been wearing glasses since third grade. Back before people gave a crap about bullying, I took some shit for my dork shades. I’ve been praying, PRAYING, for news like this since the day.

We’re all getting bionic eyes, you guys!

Dr. Garth Webb, an optometrist from British Columbia and CEO of Ocumetrics Technology Corp. claims to have developed the Bionic Lens — a panacea for lens-related vision problems that will revolutionize the eye-care industry. Although Dr. Webb is understandably tight-lipped about the specifications of the lens (it is proprietary technology, after all), he claims that it would result in perfect eyesight “no matter how crummy your eyes are.” In fact, Webb promises that patients who receive the lens will have more than perfect vision — three times better than 20/20.

Webb says that the Bionic Lens will be available to anyone over the age of 25 — the age at which the eyes are fully formed — who depends on corrective lenses. “This is a vision enhancement that the world has never seen before,” he says. “If you can just barely see the clock at 10 feet, when you get the Bionic Lens you can see the clock at 30 feet away.”

According to Webb, the procedure is painless and takes only minutes. Just like sex with me! HEYYOOO! Did you laugh at that? I can’t see your face without my glasses on.

There are still a ton of hoops to jump through for Webb and his bionic eye, including more testing, making sure this doesn’t blind people after a couple years of insertion and the fact that the contact lens industry will put a bounty on his head. But here’s to hoping.

[via Man’s Life]