She bought tickets to the movie, AND paid for dinner? You’d think this girl would be the best chick to have a friends with benefits situation going on with, but if this story is true (and I for one believe it is), this girl is fucking nuts. Okay well, maybe not FUCKING nuts – but she’s got one hell of a weird fetish that she should definitely keep to herself in the future. Take it to your grave, change your sexual preferences around, whatever…but don’t whip out a Ronald Regan mask going into foreplay.
So here it goes, I’m a senior in high school, there’s this girl who I’ve gone to school with since freshman year, we’ll call her Ally, because that’s her name. She is about a 6/10 on the attractiveness scale, but she’s so damn awkward that I would consider her a 2/10.
Have you ever had that one person in your high school that was way too involved in politics? Well that was her. She practically idolized Ronald Regan. Anytime she could work a quote into an assignment; it was by Regan.
Anyway, back to the story, one day in mid January, she texts me out of the blue and says that we should hang out that weekend, so I tell her that I will be busy, because I will actually be busy. So for the next three weeks she asks me every weekend if I am free to go see a movie or something. She even offers to pay for the tickets after the fourth attempt.
so I tell my self, “Why not? Can’t be that bad.”
Wrong.
Saturday night roles around and we agree to meet at the theatre for the 9:00 showing. I meet her there and we watch the movie, she actually acts pretty cool outside of school and I have a good time.
After the movie ends, I ask if she wants to grab something to eat. she says, “Sure, I know this great Mexican restaurant downtown.” So I offer for her to ride with me since I don’t know where the restaurant is, and I’ll bring her back to her car after we eat.
We eat dinner and as I am trying to pay, she tells the waitress to not take my money and let her pay for it.
At this point, I’m like, “Whoa.”
So here we are, walking back to where I had parked, it is about 12:30.
She looks at me and says, “You know, my family rents an apartment right across the street for when my grandparents come to visit, want me to show you around?”
So I think to my self, “She is way too awkward about other things to actually be trying to make a move or something.”
I also think, “I still have to bring her back across town and drive home(30 minute drive).”
So I tell her it’s pretty late and I need to be getting home. (I had to wake up pretty early the next morning)
She assures me that we’ll only be like five minutes, so I say fine, lets go see it.
As we walk into the apartment, I suddenly don’t feel bad about her paying for everything that night. This apartment was fucking huge, I don’t even want to know how much rent they must have been paying for it.
So she shows me around for a few minutes and we make our way up to the third floor of the apartment which had the master bedroom in it. She walks in, sits on the bed and invites me to sit down. I remind her that its pretty late and I have a long drive home, so she practically begs me to sit down and talk for a few minutes.
So here I am, sitting on the foot of the bed staring at the TV that isn’t even turned on, my posture is perfect, I’m starting to think there is more to this than I had previously assumed, it is awkward as fuck.
We talk for a few minutes, and then she asks me randomly if I had ever thought about “having a friend that I could fool around with and it not matter.”
At this point, I am freaking out, I tell her, “No, not really.” So she says O.K. and changes the subject.She then lays back on the bed and I stay sitting up. We continue talking and a few minutes later I say again that it is late and I need to get going.
That’s when this story gets good. She then says, “O.K. I’ll get to the point then, I want to fool around with you.”
So I’m thinking to myself, “Is this really happening?” And I turn around to look at her for the first time since she laid back on the bed.
When I turn around, there she is, lying on the bed.
Completely.
Topless.
My jaw drops, she looks better than I had though, I’m talking 9/10, awesome tits.
So I say, “Sure, whats the worst that can happen?”
So there we are, make out for a while, and she starts giving me one of the best blowjobs I’ve ever had in my life.
Then she stops and says, “I’ll be right back, I need to get something.”
So I sit there, in the dark, with only a shirt on, and she runs out of the room. A few minutes later she comes back and when she walks in the doorway all I can see is a silhouette from the light shining in behind her, and she’s holding something.
So I ask her what she is holding and she turns the light on. The mysterious object is a rubber Ronald Regan mask.
So I look at her and ask again, “What the hell is that?”
She responds, “Well, I’ve always had this fantasy, so…”
At this point I am done. I stand up, put my pants on, and walk out with out saying a word.
And I left her there, several miles from her car at 1:00 in the morning, and I went home.
We never spoke to each other again.
For all we know that was just the first half of her fantasy, with the second part being “Now I am going to forcibly fist your urethra with a frying pan” in which case this poor Bro got out at the last chance possible. Godspeed dude.
[Via Reddit]