We yanks all know that Comcast sucks, but did you know there’s apparently a Comcast equivalent in the UK? Yep, instead of Comcast they have Virgin Mobile, and while I can’t say for sure that VM treats its customers so poorly that they’d refuse to cancel service even after your house burns down, it seems like they’re scummy enough to make up a fake contract to keep you stuck with them like gum on the underside of your shoe. Sounds more or less like Comcast, amirite?
According to John, he and his wife had been Virgin Mobile customers for about two years, although he says the relationship was rather one-sided – “we’d pay them about £50 a month and in return they would send us lots of glossy leaflets telling us how amazing a deal we were getting whilst singularly failing to provide any kind of usable internet connection.”
It all started with a simple tweet…
Watching my wife cancel our @virginmedia contract. Think this is the happiest I've seen her since our wedding.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
…and what should’ve been a simple process quickly turned into a clusterfuck:
Oh WOW. @virginmedia now trying to say we signed up for a new contract. By accepting their suggestion they up the line speed to try and fix
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
You see, John’s wife didn’t remember agreeing to a new contract. VM even claimed that they had a call recorded in which they had her agreeing to said contract, but refused to play it back for them:
@virginmedia say the have a call recorded. But won't play it back to us. Say they might ring back "in a week" refuse to say a date or time.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
@virginmedia "we sent you a letter" "we have all your letters. You didn't" "it probably got lost in the post" @MartinHoscik OUTRAGEOUS
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Oh gee would you look at that, there are NO MANAGERS AVAILABLE to speak to about the 160-pound cancellation fee they’re trying to charge. What a coincidence:
Apparently the only manager at @virginmedia can't talk to us. He's in a meeting. Until Wednesday. Long meeting that.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
160 POUNDS! THEY'RE DEMANDING 160 POUNDS NOW @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Apparently there is LITERALLY no one in the building who can talk to us. Who is RUNNING this call centre? @virginmedia is it communism?
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
OH HELL WAIT. APPARENTLY A SUPERVISOR JUST APPEARED! it's like call centre pokemon @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
The magically-appearing manager said that the letter that had gotten lost didn’t matter, because the two of them should’ve received email notification of the change of contract.
Except when John found the email in question…
Supervisor says letter doesn't matter as they emailed and it says new contract in email. it doesn't. @virginmedia pic.twitter.com/7mJuMU6eW0
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Now he's changing his story. Says that the email doesn't matter. Demands £160 @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
They've admitted there MIGHT exist someone who can help. But they might not be there. #schroedingersmanager @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Ironically this phone called is perhaps the LONGEST we've been stabily connected to @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Oooop. we're back on hold again! They've put us back on the rubbish hold music. #petty @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
We're onto you @virginmedia. You can play as much Bieber as you want at us. we're still not hanging up.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
There are managers on the floor now. but she is not allowed to speak to them. only her manager. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
We're asking her to ask the Manager she can LITERALLY SEE when he will call us back. She won't. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
OH WAIT HE'S HAD TO RUN INTO ANOTHER MEETING. @virginmedia have shitloads of meetings on a Saturday.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
THEY HUNG UP ON US. THEY HUNG UP ON US. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
After an hour and 20 minutes, Virgin Mobile had unceremoniously hung up on Mr. and Mrs. Bull.
But ‘dis shit ain’t over yet:
Glass of juice ready for round 2. Important to stay hydrated when calling @virginmedia pic.twitter.com/k2U07AY3RF
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
LITERALLY all we want to do is cancel an imaginary contract. After being lied to and accused of 'playing games' @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
WE'VE GOT THE GOOD HOLD MUSIC AGAIN. they clearly don't know it's us yet. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
it's quite good and poppy actually. we're shazamming it. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
It's @ollymurs! Oh Olly. Don't let @virginmedia use you for their complaints hold music. Make them stick to the Bieber.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Oh. The Beiber is back. Do they know it's us now? #tension @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
David Guetta now. Maybe they should spend less on music licensing and hire some more managers @virginmedia #schroedingersmanagers
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
We're through to Ally! She's looking at our call notes. we're waiting for her existential scream. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Hope she's had lunch already. #prayforally @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
'Managers are here to manage us. Not the customers.' At least Ally is honest. We like Ally @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
But her manager isn't here today anyway. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Now they're saying they're LEGALLY not allowed to let us out of the imaginary contract. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
WE WANT TO CANCEL. STOP TRYING TO MAKE US NOT CANCEL @virginmedia.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Mrs Bull is now playing real pokemon whilst @virginmedia have us on hold so they can play callcentre pokemon #meta
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
NO HOLD MUSIC. They're doing the thing where they try and make you think they've hung up so you do @virginmedia. pic.twitter.com/HJY75Z1MNx
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
They're trying to make us accept a complaint case on the imaginary contract. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Ally goes quiet when we say wouldn't this mean we accept that the contract exists? @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
To stress, we quite like Ally. She's at least honest. @virginmedia should promote her, if their managers were actually real.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
ANNDDDDD there goes the call. What a surprise:
AND THEY'VE TERMINATED THE CALL. @virginmedia time for a tea break. then we'll call back again.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Have to say, Mrs Bull is a fucking NINJA at the number options on their call routing now. #veryimpressed @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
It's Company by Justin Beiber for those wanting to know what's on the @virginmedia cancellations spotify playlist. https://t.co/R69F4ogaJl
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Although as Mrs Bull points out. given their behaviour 'Love yourself' would probably be the more appropriate pick @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Begin round 3: Clare edition.
Clare is the fragile flower of hope in the no-mans land of our @virginmedia battlefield.
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
CLARE IS BACK. CLARE IS BACK SHE'S ASKING IF 30 DAYS CANCELLATION WOULD BE OKAY @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
COME ON CLARE. WE BELIEVE IN YOU. WE LOVE YOU CLARE. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
CLARE DID IT. CLARE CANCELLED OUR CONTRACT. WE'RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WE WON! @virginmedia pic.twitter.com/MbkjxpECDE
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Can't believe it. Feel like we've won an Olympic gold. We're going to the pub to celebrate. @virginmedia
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
Fin. #yayclare #goodbyevirgin @virginmedia pic.twitter.com/1YV35CDvgG
— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016
So what did we learn here today? That persistence is a virtue? That patience pays off? That Virgin Mobile is the UK equivalent of Comcast?
Nah – always ask to speak to a manager. It helps if you’ve got this haircut too:
[H/T Metro]