This Dude Proves That All You Need To Do To Get Chicks Is To Pretend To Be Famous

Having difficulty getting your pecker wet? Well that’s because you’ve probably been exuding useless things like ‘values’ and ‘personality’. The ironic thing about values is that they’re of no value when talking to chicks. Most girls don’t care about the clean water initiative you set up in Ethiopia, because those poor Ethiopian children don’t have Instagram to validate anything you do. But if you tell her you were the body double for Kevin James’ in Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 and got VIP access to the premier, just pull your dick out then to save her the trouble. Doesn’t matter that you were standing in for a fat man for the worst movie of our generation, as long as she can tell her twitter followers that she’s dating a “struggling actor,” you might as well be Ryan Gosling.

Case in point.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.