U. Of Texas At Austin Students Ignite The ‘Cocks Not Glocks’ Movement In Opposition To Campus Carry

No pun intended but the whole entire gun control debate is such a loaded gun from top to bottom. If you tell people you’re against gun control, they’ll just start frisbeeing pictures of dead people at you until you die of a thousand paper cuts. If you tell people you’re for gun control, they’ll pull a gun on you and challenge you to defend yourself with the gun that you just voluntarily gave up. I mean, I’m pretty torn on the whole debate myself. On the one hand, if a dude with a gun broke into my home, I’d definitely like to have a gun to defend myself with. On the other hand, I’m not sure how comfortable I am with a crazy dude whose nickname in high school was ‘Banana Bread Brian’ being able to get a gun as easily as I can.

Despite my own inability to pick a side, some students at University of Texas at Austin have taken a staunch stand against the school’s new campus carry rules. How are they protesting? By carrying around dildos under the banner of the ‘Cocks Not Glocks’ campaign.

As an aside: No way that dude in the last picture has ever seen a dildo before, let alone hold one. He’s way too flabbergasted by what he’s seeing to have wrapped his finger around the ole’ mini-rubber-skyscraper before in his life. Listen, I’m all about the freedom of speech and people fighting for their beliefs, but I think this is a bit absurd. How can anyone expect to be taken seriously if they’re just running around with dildos strapped to their heads. Imagine seeing a kid getting onstage with the pockets of his cargo pants full of rubber ball and a massive dildo strapped to his face like a headlamp? “We need to fight for our beliefs!!” “Sorry pal, the droopy dildo you taped to your forehead is muffling your voice.” I desperately want to get behind this movement just so I can say ‘cock’ in public and still be politically correct, but the tradeoff is that I’ll be in a situation where I’ll have to start matching the my shoes to the dildos I have hanging from my belt. That’s just too much effort for someone who owns like four pairs of shoes. I’ll need like four dildos for every pair of shoes. Then, when this movement finally dies down, I’ll have to figure out what to do with sixteen dildos of various shapes and decorations and I’ll be real, I am not nearly creative enough to hide sixteen dildos all over my house.

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