This Cow Was Born With Two Faces And I’ll Have The Veggie Burger Instead Please

I’m at a loss for words. I know it’s kind of my job to take an angle on the things I post but I think I’ll stand on the sidelines for this one. My joke arsenal for “cows with two faces” is lacking these days. I would say I feel bad for the poor girl but the two-faced bastard was nice to my face but then shit talked me behind my back. Ok, that was a little mean. But can I really pretend to have sympathy for Annabelle when I ate two double-cheeseburgers from McDonald’s when I was shitfaced at 2 am this weekend? *Every weekend. That would make both of us two-faced, and I’m perfectly satisfied with just one.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.