Former NFL Player Craig James Compares Support Of Gay Marriage To Satanism, Obviously Concussed

Craig James, a former ESPN analyst and forgettable running back for the New England Patriots in the late 1980’s, recently equated support of gay marriage to Satanism in an interview with the uber-conservative radio program Family Research Council. James joined the Council in 2014 and has since stated that people who support gay marriage “have a problem with God”.

Speak for yourself bro. I’m in support of gay marriage and I’ve given up porn for Lent, so me and the Lord are totally chill at this point in time. Well, I’ve given up hardcore porn. Ok, just porn with a stars whose names begin with X. Shit, I never gave up porn. God forgives.

James continued to spew his venom stating the following:

 “If I were a current player in that locker room and my livelihood depended on me being quiet or losing it because of my belief system, I worry, I wonder…So that’s Satan working on us.”

Seems like a measured, level-headed comparison. For a fucking lunatic.

The comments were made in the wake of the Patriots, along with the MLB’s San Francisco Giants and Tampa Bay Rays, linking with 376 businesses that called for the U.S. Supreme Court to abolish the ban on gay marriage.

As a Patriot’s fan, you have now slipped past Aaron Hernandez as my least favorite player of all time. And Aaron Hernandez killed like half of Boston.

But apparently no one else likes you either, Craig, considering you got canned after a week as a college football analyst at Fox Sports Southwest. Keep it up, pal. I’ve lasted longer than one week at every job I’ve had, and I’ve showed up shitfaced for the majority of them.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.