Domino’s simply can’t stop saying sorry. Their entire marketing campaign now is “sorry our pizza sucked ass for so many years, but we’re making huge changes!” They even apologized to a dude who burned his dick while having sex with pizza. Domino’s desperately needs you to know that everything that goes wrong in your life is their fault, somehow. Thanks for taking the fall for these red spots on my shaft, Domino’s, but I have no one to blame but myself. And Destiny.
Domino’s proved just how self-loathing it can be by apologizing to some dude who put his wrinkly ball sack on a perfectly good pepperoni pie and accused them of putting an “uncooked meatball” on it. Brilliant.
Since we are a publication of standards and ball sacks are the most repulsive part of the male anatomy, I photoshopped a nutsack over his nutsack. If you have a strong stomach and/or are a sociopath, check out the original tweet here. But I assure you that no one who has ever seen male testicles can possibly confuse a straggly-haired coin purse for an uncooked meatball.
To which Ciaran replied, ‘Whoever cooked this deserves the sack.’
Rumor has it, Domino’s transitioned this dude from ‘Head Box Assembler’ to ‘Sorry Letter Stamp Licker.’ He’s the best in the fucking business.