Dude Pranks Whole Foods Shoppers By Pretending To Be Douchey Employee Is Whole Foods In An Eco-Friendly Nutshell

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If you ever see me in a Whole Foods, it’s because they have the most delicious supply of yoga pants of anyone in the industry. Last time I was in there, I nearly knocked over the entire grass-fed, sustainable plantain section with my hard-on. I had no idea plantains ate grass. Or ate at all. Regardless, I left the store with blue balls and a $16 V8 Juice. But I have to be sneaky when I go in there though, because if any of the employees found out I don’t drive a Prius or that I’ve never been to a yoga class, they wouldn’t be so eco-friendly. But I’ve conceded to the fact that I’m more of a 7 Eleven taquitos kind of dude, and only really go to Whole Foods when I’m looking to blow a month’s rent on grapes.

And this dude pretending to be a ultra-douchey Whole Foods employee and exposing the shoppers completely buying into his bullshit is so Whole Foods, it should come with a yoga mat. So pretentious, so spot on. Remember, bros: Vote Hilary.

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