Would You Guys Party With This Dude Who Broke Into A Martha’s Vineyard Home And Painted The Family Dog Purple?

We got a real doosey coming in hot from Martha’s Vineyard. For those of you who aren’t familiar with The Vineyard, it’s a Massachusetts island that sits just south of Cape Cod that is only accessible by air and boat and is reserved for the rich, white, pastel-wearing elite. Each residence has a plethora of leather bound books and smells of rich mahogany.

The highly exclusive island is not intended for people like Felix Reagan.

Reagan had one hell of a night on Saturday as he broke into a family’s home and stole prescription pill bottles, credit cards, a driver’s license, and a car, according to the NY Daily News.

The dude sped off in the car and yep, you guessed it, crashed the shit out of it.

As he stumbled out of the car, another Vineyard resident called the police and reported a creepy dude staring in their window.

Police arrived at the scene and discovered Felix, covered in purple paint, looking disillusioned. In the meantime, the victims of the home invasion called the police and reported that someone had broke in and painted their pooch entirely with purple paint.

“Reagan also had purple paint on his pants which was consistent with the paint that was found on the dog from the Pinewood Lane break-in,” Oak Bluffs police said in a statement Sunday.

I hope this lunatic pulled a page out of Billy Madison when he was confronted by the cops:

Felix: “I painted the dog purple because I’ve never seen a purple dog before and to be honest with you, I wanted to see a purple dog.”

Officer 1: “Well it’s an excellent purple dog.”

Officer 2: “Are you guys fucking serious. Get on the ground and put your hands on your head.”

It gets better. Well worse for Felix, better for us.

After the cops arrested him, Reagan kicked an officer twice and tried to kick out the backseat windows of the cop car he was being transported in.

He now faces charges of breaking and entering with intent to commit a felony, motor vehicle larceny, destruction of property, animal cruelty, possession of Class A and Class E substances, and assault and battery on a police officer, reports Death and Taxes.

Felix is having quite the adventurous summer, considering back in June, he was arrested in regards to other home robberies and charged with breaking and entering with intent to commit a felony, vandalism and minor in possession of alcohol.

I guess the answer to the question posed in the headline is ‘No. I would not party with him.’ But I’d give my left testicle to catch a glimpse of him painting the pup.

[h/t Death and Taxes]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.