Lawyer Who Wants To Be A Standup Comedian Under The Name ‘Excuseman’ Is Being Indicted For Stealing $1 Million From Clients

by 2 years ago

This is not a joke, bros. This man passed the Bar exam and is a practicing personal injury lawyer and his name is Jordan Margolis.

A surprising development in this revelation is that Margolis has apparently been around for a little while and he’s been busy. How did we miss him? No clue. That’s on all of us. Apparently, he’s practiced law, created the unsuccessful/nearly impossible to watch YouTube series ‘JorDOs and JorDON’Ts’, attempted to launch a comedy career and also created the fictional character ‘Excuseman’, which he also uses as an alter-ego. Because if you’re already a lawyer who makes borderline unwatchable YouTube videos, why stop at not having an alter-ego?

Via Chicago Tribune:

“Margolis had big hopes for Excuseman. He even took the character on the road, telling corny jokes in his superhero costume — a shiny blue body suit with the letters XQ over his chest, an orange skullcap and cape and a purple bandit mask, his paunch hanging slightly over his Excuseman belt. He skewered those who “mess up and don’t fess up.””

Having trouble picturing what he’d look like in costume? Don’t worry, got ya covered:

It’s guys like this that make me happy no one has discovered the secret to immortality. Imagine a world in which Excuseman never went away? Having your entire existence framed around that week’s JorDOs and JorDON’Ts or, even worse, getting the inevitable jingles he would create stuck in your head? “JorDO remember that I’m not going anywhere ever because the world is now dominated by a guy who did away with everything you want in a Jewish lawyer and replaced it with the characteristics of Principal Anderson from Billy Madison and that guy is me, Excuseman.”

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Reddit


Thankfully, it seems that Excuseman is going to be going away for a while. Well, we should be happy. The people who he stole $1.1 million from are probably pretty unhappy.

“But now it is Excuseman who is in a bad jam. Last week, Cook County prosecutors indicted Margolis, 61, on charges he stole more than $1.1 million from nearly a dozen clients — in part to pay expenses connected to Excuseman. The indictment charged him with 36 felony counts of theft, theft by deception, misappropriation of financial institution property, continuing a financial crimes enterprise and forgery, according to Assistant State’s Attorney Joel Bruckman.

Margolis was released on $150,000 bail and ordered by Judge Erica Reddick to surrender his passport, court records show.

Disbarred from practicing law in Illinois over the alleged thefts, he is living in Los Angeles, trying to find work as a screenwriter and tweeting jokes like “Rest in Prince” after the famed singer’s recent death, according to his lawyer and social media accounts.

“He had a spotless record for decades until these difficulties arose,” said attorney Robert Loeb, who represents Margolis in the criminal case. “He has debts. He has always wanted to make good on them, and he still wants to make good on them.””

I really wish I was making this whole thing up. “Rest In Prince”? I hate that on so many levels I can’t even count them all. I’m actually hopeful they toss Excuseman away and lose the key. We don’t have any more room on this Earth for people like him and I’m pretty sure he’s the first of his kind. He’s already overstayed his welcome amongst humanity.

As this story has grown, a lot of people have making the pun “What’s Excuseman’s excuse for stealing from his clients?” Hilarious. Great work, society. We needed that one. The real question I want answered, however, is “What’s Excuseman’s excuse for existing at all?” So what is Excuseman? Why did you do this to us? Where did you go wrong that you thought all of this was ok?


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