Facebook Adds Read Receipts To Events, So Now Friends Will Know You Don’t Care About Their Band Or Comedy Show

by 3 years ago


Do you use Facebook Events? I don’t! Occasionally I’ll RSVP to a party a friend is throwing, but my “going” or “not going” or “maybe” status is more of a “meh” than anything. I’m an asshole and probably on the verge of being a social pariah, but I don’t care. If you can’t invite someone over text or in person or ANYTHING more than a blast on Facebook, I’m probably not interested in attending it.

But then again, I’m not an aspiring stand-up comedian doing comedy shows in bar basements or in a band playing Rockwood Music Hall every third Wednesday of the month. These people LOVE inviting all their friends on Facebook to their various performances.

Now they’ll know how much of a dickhead you really are thanks to a new read receipt notification. Here’s what it will look like to the host, via Supercompressor:



Gahhh! “Seen” — That’s the mark of the devil as far as I’m concerned. I mean, just look at my current invites, none of which I’m planning on responding to or going to (sorry to tell you in public like this, guys):


Brandon's Facebook

This is bad news if you’re in a habit of ignoring Facebook Events. It might make for some awkward water cooler chatter with Stacey, the aspiring comedian in the office who takes offense you aren’t willing to come out on a Tuesday night to support her improv show. It’s not that we don’t care about your comedy genius, Stacey — It’s that we had plans to eat leftover tuna casserole and watch Mr. Robot that night.

Us apathetic assholes of the world are SCREWED.