Bro Tip: If You’re Going To Fight With A GODDAMN MACHETE In Your Pocket, Make Sure Your Opponent Doesn’t Get A Hold Of It

Trying to figure out what’s more of a crime: carrying a fucking machete in your red sweatpants or wearing red sweatpants in the first place. This took place in Canada so I’m not sure rules apply there. The golden rule I live by is that if some dude is wearing sweatpants in public, do not fuck with him. That dude legit doesn’t have anything to lose. Besides his machete. And probably 9 pints of blood.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.