When it comes to nature, my fight or flight response is very uneven. And by that I mean, I always run. If I’m standing in an open field and I hear the rumble of thunder, I’m hauling ass to the nearest car. Doesn’t matter to me that I have no way of fighting off a bolt of lightning. I’m not even giving that bad boy the chance. Same thing with like a raccoon or stray cat. Fuck that shit. Who knows what kind of natural chemical bath those things have been dipped in. I don’t need to get rabies for trying to give a few woodland critters a bowl of water or a scratch behind the ears. So if the roles were reversed between me and this former boxer who stumbled upon a full grown black bear, I’d have died running away.
Via CBC News:
“Sixty-one year old Rick Nelson was walking his dog in the Panache area on Sunday afternoon when he stumbled across the bear’s cub. “I sat down on a log and the bear cub poked its head out of the shrub nearby. It was so close I could touch it. It let out a yelp, because I scared the heck out of it,” Nelson told CBC News. “I knew right away I was in trouble. It’s calling for mommy.”
Nelson is a former bear hunter, so he stood up knowing he only had seconds to spare.
“The mother was coming full speed,” he said. “All you could hear was the bush crashing.“
Soon the bear was in front of Nelson and up on hind legs. “I had no rocks, no sticks,” he said, but he did have a lot of boxing practice.”
So, if this was me, I’d realize I still had the dog. Listen, I love dogs, they’re great animals and very loyal. Walk around New York City on a rainy day and try not to have your day made 100x better when you get home to a dog wagging his tail at you. But dogs are meant to serve their masters. If a bear is thundering towards me, I’m tossing my dog at it. Sorry Scooby, but I have a life to lead. I’ll bury you with all your favorite toys after the bear leaves.
“Nelson tried to swing at the bear but missed, hitting it in the teeth. The bear hit back, scratching Nelson across the chest and face.
“I knew it would swing first with its left but it would really come with its right, because most bears are right-handed,” Nelson said. So Nelson swung a second time. “I had the perfect shot to take. I did an underhand and hit it right in the snout.”
That’s when the bear’s cub let out another squeal and started to move away, Nelson said. “Now it was the moment of truth. What’s this bear going to do? Is it going to follow its cub or is it going to come after me?”
“[The mother bear] turned around and it was snorting blood. It looked at me, and I thought, ‘Oh no. Here it comes,'” he said. “But it just turned back around and walked away like nothing ever happened and followed the cub,” Nelson said. “So I really lucked out there.””
Good for Nelson, but also, I would never be remotely in this situation. I’m not going outside if there’s the possibility I’ll be running into a fucking bear. I wouldn’t even put a down payment on a apartment if there’s ever been a bear sighting within the a 10 mile radius. What am I? A fucking Viking? So hats off Nelson for giving a full-grown bear a bloody nose, but thanks and no thanks.