Rich Bros Beware: If You’re Wearing A Rolex At The Club, You’re Probably Going To Be Seduced, Roofied, And Robbed
Bros, you know that empowering feeling when throw on your Sunday’s best before a night out on the town and complete your outfit by throwing on your $5,000 Rolex? Neither do I. I’m a ‘Casio given to me by my grandfather as a First Communion gift’ kinda guy myself. Plus, I prefer digital watches because by the time I figure out the time on an analog, its changed. I just want the time, not a fucking challenge.
Didn’t think so.
But there are bros out there, with more money, success, and focus than myself who actually have shit worth stealing. And they are the exact demographic that is being targeted by a slew of cold-blooded, morally corrupt NYC women.
According to DNAInfo, New York City cops are on the hunt for thieves who seduce men at nightclubs, slip a date rape drug in their drink, and slide their expensive time pieces off their wrists while they’re passed out.
There were two dozen reported cases this crime just last year, and that number is likely very low considering all the dudes who never went to police because they were in compromising positions to begin with. This first-hand encounter was reported by DNAInfo:
“Take the case of the 24-year-old Gramercy Park man who picked up two women at Tao on East 58th Street last June 1. He brought the duo to his apartment on E. 19th Street, where they headed into the shower together, emerged semi-naked and prepared a drink for him.
That was the last thing he remembered before he woke up in the morning with the girls missing — along with his iPhone, Apple laptop and Rolex.”
Phone, computer, AND Rolex? Is anything sacred anymore?
And take the case of this thief savant who had to get crafty to rob this unsuspecting dude blind:
“And then there was the 35-year-old man out clubbing last July 1. He met a woman at a bar who escorted him to the Marriott Hotel on Broadway.
Before he went to sleep, the “lucky” reveler put all his valuables in the room’s safe. But the following morning, when he woke up alone, he tried to open the safe, but could not. His guest had apparently watched him lock his property and memorized the secret code.
Security guards were needed to open the now-empty vault, which no longer had the victim’s credit cards and two luxury watches, including a Rolex worth tens of thousands of dollars.”
“It does not matter if the victim is a polished guy looking for fast times, or just some well-heeled computer geek,” a source told DNAInfo. “These criminals are like travelers, and grifters and professional working girls.”
Least surprising part of the story: When NYPD officers do catch these illusive crooks, they are usually from warm weather states like California, Arizona, but mostly, you guessed it, Florida.
Florida, your shenanigans are only hilarious when they’re within the confines of your plane crash of a state. Once your poison starts to leak into the place I lay my head to rest, we have a problem. You have no idea what I just said, do you Florida? You drunk fuck.