Guy Claims His Wife Has Never Farted In Front Of Him In The Five Years They’ve Been Together, Is A Friggin’ Liar

by 3 years ago
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Or maybe he isn’t lying and his girlfriend is the one who’s been passing silent gas all up in his breathing air unbeknownst to him, but either way ONE of these two yahoos is spreading bullshit like butter on a sausage biscuit.

It all started when an Australian radio show decided to run a competition where the goal was to find a “local hero” who would be immortalized forever as the namesake of a ski run in Mount Buller, Victoria. Taking nominations from their listening audience, Stewart Reed decided now would be the perfect time to nominate his wife, Marissa, for her heroic deed of never having farted in front of him in the five years they’d been together:

He told NT News: ‘I listened to people calling up on the first day and on the second day I thought of a few things to put Marissa up for.

‘I filled out the application and sent it in and then 10 minutes after that, told Marissa what I had done and we both had a laugh. I think it was a year or two into the relationship when I realised I had never heard her fart.’(via)

Stewart, I hate to break it to you, but Marissa has definitely farted in front of you. Maybe it didn’t smell and maybe you couldn’t hear it, but it’s happened. 100%. And for the skeptics out there, just think about the logistics of never farting in front of someone you see daily – what happens on long car rides? Travel via airplane? Watching t.v. and being too lazy to get UP for Chrissake — These are situations where she is LITERALLY forced to be by your side for hours on end and I highly doubt she forced you to pull off to a highway McDonald’s just so she could get out, fart in their bathroom, and leave. If she did, she lied about it and said she was peeing. Does Marissa pee a lot, Stewart? Because if she does now you know why.

And while I’m sitting here, skeptical as shit because one of these fuckers is clearly lying and I can’t tell which one it is, Marissa wound up winning the competition with 44% of the vote. Asked why she doesn’t fart in front of her husband, her response was “I don’t know why.”

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There was more to that quote, by the way – I just cut it off there for comedic effect:

“I don’t know why I don’t do it, I don’t even think it’s a big deal.”

Never said the rest of her quote was any improvement though.

And while yeah, I mean it’s technically not a big deal…SO THEN WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT IT?? It must be that she’s just too deep in the shit of having won a contest to name a fucking ski run after her that it’s too late to turn back, although I will say Marissa, if you send me an email and profess your lies I will forgive you, because that is the kind of person I am.

For the record, yes – Stewart does fart in front of Marissa. It’s only her with the butthole made of bronze, not the two of them.

[H/T Metro]


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