You don’t fuck around with someone’s drunk food, the same way you don’t fuck around with the bottle of Rogaine Donald Trump keeps in his shower or the 12 “snack size” bags of chips Matt Keohan inhales daily. Give me a cheeseburger and I’ll protect that sandwich like it’s my baby until I’ve finished my last bite, much like how I would protect a baby until I’ve finished my last bite (mmmmmmm, babies). Nicholas Middendorf found this out the hard way, unfortunately, as he was shot and killed by his younger brother Benjamin on Thursday night over an argument involving a cheeseburger. According to CNN:
A Florida man is accused of killing his brother over an argument that involved a cheeseburger, authorities say.
Benjamin A. Middendorf, 25, shot his older brother during the dispute Thursday night, police said in a statement.
The fight started after the victim Nicholas Middendorf, their mother and a third man returned from a night of drinking, according to a police report
Spokeswoman Denise Roberts of St. Cloud Police confirmed to CNN that the argument involved a cheeseburger. She did not provide additional details.
If you’re going to die, at least die standing up for something you believe in. We don’t know the details of this cheeseburger disagreement, but for all we know Nicholas was trying to keep his younger brother from cooking his patty “well done,” something that only masochists and scrubs enjoy. In that case (and in any other case as well, since cheeseburgers are an important dietary staple), Nicholas died being a goddamn hero and his brother is a fucking twat for overcooking his beef…as well as for shooting his brother, but mostly for his shitty cooking skills.
Benjamin Middendorf’s first court appearance was on Saturday; he is currently being held without bond.