Have you ever had one of those times where something horrendously embarrassing just happened and you find yourself wishing for a meteor or a freak stray bullet to hit you in the face because you’d rather die than live through that moment? Don’t worry, we got you covered. Since random meteor strikes are pretty rare and the only time you’re likely to get hit by a stray bullet is if you’re chillin’ in Detroit, here’s a horrifying story you can remember at those exact moments. Instead of being all “Please kill me now” you can be like “Well….at least I’m not the guy who showcased his homemade masturbation video at a family reunion.”
From Reddit user c842,
“About 10 years ago in my horny teen boy years (14-16) I used to go online to chatrooms or webcam sites to get off. I was also bi-curious and talked to other boys and probably men. I decided to record some videos of myself and send them to people online. My parents just got a new video camera and gave me their old one. It was one of those pre-digital, cassette tape kinds. So I took all these very raunchy videos of myself, jerking myself off, spreading my ass, cumming onto myself, putting things up my butt etc. It was after that I realized I had no idea how to upload the film onto my computer. So I just forgot about it. Years passed, I went to college, moved away, became a normal adult, etc.
This weekend I’ve been at my parents house for a family gathering including aunts/uncles/grandparents. Yesterday after dinner I was out in the yard playing soccer with my younger cousins while most of the adults were inside watching old family videos…… After a couple hours I go inside into the living room and see my uncle has rigged up that old cassette camcorder to the TV. Immediately my memory is flooded with my nasty antics, my heart hits 200 bpm. My mom must have dug it up when I moved out and saved it. I quickly look at the screen. It’s my sisters high school basketball game. I try to remember if I destroyed the tape. I must have. How could I not? The basketball game cuts to a family vacation to a lava flow field. My dad making goofy faces and me being a moody twat. I cringe at my too-cool-for-this behavior. Uncle presses fast-forward, blurs of black-gray rock formations fly past, then abruptly transitions into a fleshy mass of humiliation. It’s hard to make out what’s going on but I know instantly. My uncle presses play; I die inside. There I am, laid on my back, legs raised up against a table, pointing my underage dick at my face beating off and moaning. “Oh goodness” said grandma. “What the fuck” said everyone else. I put my hands up to my face and wished that an asteroid would hit right where I’m standing.”
See? Your embarrassing moments aren’t so bad now that you’ve read that, are they? And if you’re curious as to whether the guy was actually hit by an asteroid like he was hoping, here’s what actually happened afterward.
“My uncle shut it off and some people left the room. I apologized and said that was one of my weird experiments when I was a teenager, and kept saying, I’m so sorry. You could hear the cringing. Luckily most of my family are not uptight or conservative so I could tell they were trying to be polite about it. Everyone was kind of disgusted though. My dad was probably the hardest to look at. I tried to explain myself but I could tell nothing will wash away the horror. My grandfather was probably the most disgusted and said it was fucked up. My grandmother is still confused as to what she saw I think. I threw away the tape then left. I probably will not talk to anyone in my family for a couple weeks. Then it will be really awkward for a while, and after enough time passes I think I will be able to hang with with them again but it will be the elephant in the room for the rest of my life.”
Worst. Reunion. Ever. Or best, since chances are at least one of the persons there was probably into that sort of thing.