Aw look, someone on your Facebook timeline got engaged! Are you happy for the new couple and the life-long adventure they’re about to embark on? No! HELL no! Because it means you’re about to get an onslaught of wedding and engagement photos over the next 6 months that are all mean to look “natural” except they’re actually staged and poised and complete LIES. Fuck you Facebook, fuck you Twitter, I’m gonna peace out and go live in a cave where the only way you can contact me is by smoke signal.