This Guy Is So Horrible At Sex That He Got A Doctor’s Note Excusing Him For Being Shittastic In Bed

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Do your balls hang so low that they wobble to and fro? Have you been asked in multiple instances upon taking your pants off in front of a woman “Well…where is it?” Are you constantly gassy? Well never fear gents, for Reddit user mitchiganjfrog has come up with an excuse that’ll get you out of having sex, guaranteed to work every time! It’s called a “doctor’s note,” and it’s this fancy new invention that’s basically that “Get out of Jail Free” card from Monopoly, except this is real life and your bitch sister who can’t add or subtract properly isn’t in charge of the town bank.

Via Uproxx,

After hurting his back at work — then hurting it again in the bedroom — Shaun’s doctor ordered him to take it easy between the sheets (read: make his partner do all the work). The doc even wrote him an official note so he wouldn’t have to break the news himself:

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And just in case you can’t make out what the note says…:

He WILL BE UNFIT TO CONTINUE his USUAL OCCUPATION or SEXUAL services. Shaun can only take part in sexual activity flat on his back with minimal effort on his part.

Sorry mitchiganjfrog, looks like you’re going to be stuck with humpin’ it out in the most dangerous sex position and will probably fracture your dick. Oh well; there’s probably a doctor’s note for that too.

[H/T Uproxx, header image via Shutterstock]