Hundreds Of Americans Accidentally (And Illegally) Wash Up On The Shores Of Canada After A Float Party Goes Awry

One of my biggest fears is going to war with Canada. How will that end? Here’s a hint: Horribly. You don’t want to piss on land that close to home. That’s why most people take their dogs on walks away from their house so they can do their business away from their lawns. Listen, senseless analogies aside, Canada is just one country that we should not piss off. So I’m a little worried about this story about hundreds of people from Michigan illegally washing up on the shores of Canada.

Via Freeb:

“The annual Port Huron Float Down didn’t go as smoothly as participants were hoping Sunday.

Amid the festivities high winds and rain drove floaters off course and hundreds landed in Canadawhile many others were separated from their groups.”

Just a quick reminder that the last time white people accidentally washed up on the shores of North America, Christopher Columbus annihilated the Native Americans.

“The morning started with warm weather and clear skies, while the weather was predicted turn slightly windy with a few showers. But the weather eventually grew to heavy downpours of rain and strong west winds.

“People have been reported missing, but we don’t know yet if they were just separated from their group due to the winds or if they are actually missing yet,” Barna said.

Barna said Port Huron Police and supporting units had their hands full with medical calls, possible drownings, people falling off rafts, getting out of the river on private land and people trying to hitch-hike to their cars. Barna said so many floaters ended up in Canada that officials set up a refugee camp to screen anyone who landed on Canadian territory before sending them back.”

Write that one down, bros. Americans in refugee camps. Welcome to the apocalypse.

“Around 4 p.m. Sunday, Sarnia Police Service began receiving calls from floaters who needed assistance on the St. Clair River.

According to a news release by the Sarnia Police, “hundreds of people are being assisted by the Sarnia Police Service, Sarnia Fire Department, Lambton EMS, Ontario Provincial Police, Canada Customs and Border Agency, RCMP and Canada Coastguard water units, Sarnia Transit, Canadian Red Cross, security and fire personnel from the various chemical and petrochemical plants that border the St. Clair River, and members of the general public.”

Sarnia officials are assisting people out of the water, treating those in need of assistance, and then transporting American citizens back to U.S. Customs and Immigration via Sarnia Transit buses.”

This is just out of control. What kind of person just allows the tide to take them where it wishes? That’s like putting your dog on a leash and letting the dog walk you. I’ll be honest, if hundreds of Canadians just washed up on our shores, I’d be breaking out my 2nd Amendment Rights and force those people right back into the ocean. I don’t care if they had a Canadian accent. They could be Russians playing up a disguise. I’ve seen The Americans. Or they could be actual French people. It wouldn’t be the first time the French landed on American soil. In all honesty, though, we’re lucky that Canada is so polite. Probably the only country in the world that would just welcome a bunch of people washing up on their shores with no questions asked.