Try To Guess Why This Kid Cut His Own Dick Off With Scissors (Hint: It Begins With ‘D’ And Ends In ‘RUGS’)
Why scissors? Why? If you’re going to amputate part of your body doesn’t it make sense to at least use some sort of kitchen knife? And I get that this kid was on drugs and that when you’re fucked in the head logic doesn’t always prevail…but do you have a single pair of scissors in your house? Answer: probably yes, but can you find them easily? Because whenever I’m in need of a pair of scissors I have to basically bulldoze the house down and sort through the rubble to find them. The day that they find Jimmy Hoffa is the same day that I’ll find the ~50 pairs of missing scissors I’ve lost in the last 10 years. It’s literally 100x easier to chop shit up with kitchen knives than it is to even locate a goddamn pair of scissors. And yet…
Apparently I’m the only person on this planet who loses scissors like Tiger Woods loses product endorsements. But you know who else manages to not lose scissors like the 3 winners up there? Charlie Mann, 21, from West Sussex. We know this because he managed to find a pair so he could cut his dick off, then stab his mom 11 times. I could be wrong, but I don’t think those two ideas fall under the “intended uses” list on the back of scissor packaging.
A student who cut off his own penis with a pair of scissors and stabbed his mum 11 times while under the influence of powerful drug meow meow was jailed today.
Charlie Mann, 21, from Haywards Heath, West Sussex, was naked when he carried out the drink and alcohol-fuelled attack on mum Emma at their family home in December 2013…
Police officers smashed a window to gain entry to the house before blood-soaked Mann climbed out.
He was described as ‘delusional’ and appeared oblivious to the pain of the injuries he inflicted upon himself.
Today the court heard that Mann had taken the drug mephedrone – known as meow meow – before the attack.
For those of you who are unaware, “meow meow” is a party drug that’s been gaining popularity as of late over in the UK. Also known as “mephedrone” (but who calls it that when they can pretend to be a cat for a hot second), meow meow produces effects similar to the ones caused by MDMA and cocaine. While that doesn’t sound too awful the DEA has identified it as bath salts which, y’know, tend to turn people into flesh eating zombies and cock lumberjacks. So maybe avoid meow meow if you’re ever at a rave.
Mann was given a 16-month prison sentence, however he’ll only have to serve four weeks due to the fact that his original sentence was reduced to 8 months and that he’s already spent a considerable amount of time locked up. Once released he’ll undergo drug and alcohol treatments, because nothing will keep people from doing drugs like being forced to sit in a support group talking about “feelings;” not even cutting your own dick off with scissors.