Kid Leaves Grad Student Job In Spectacular Fashion, Calling Company ‘Ponzi Scheme’ And Citing His ‘Low Boredom Threshold’

This grad student didn’t just burn bridges leaving his job. He torched the two towns connected by the bridge and even lit up a couple connecting roads.

A Durham graduate has quit his PWC grad job with a classic sign-off email that chronicles his “magical journey through the meat grinder of PwC.” Oliver ultimately quit due to “having a low boredom threshold,” and but did wish his former colleagues “determined to get to the top of the PwC ponzi scheme” well.

He’s only begun to douse the area in lighter fluid. Oliver also took time to compile a list of his accomplishments in his short time with the company and they are bountiful.

He compiled a list of things he did during his time at the company, including: “Picked Mahrez from the start of the season in the office fantasy football league (still didn’t win), wore a purple lab coat whilst physically inspecting a hydrocarbon testing lab, claimed a lot of mileage money, felt relieved when I was told I was being sacked.”

Funny stuff except for that part where he basically said he stole from the company (mileage money).

Here’s a list of all the stuff Oliver didn’t learn on the job, even though he pretended to.

He admitted, despite the job description, he never did “Stock counts, understand bank reconciliations, learn anything about excel, much overtime, learn anything in a PwC training course, consistently pass exams, give a toss.”

Here’s the email, in its entirety, in case you need the template to eventually quit your own crap job.

Afternoon All,

For those of you who didn’t know the Stoke-on-Trent dole queue is about to get one man longer as today is my last day at the firm.

In hindsight scraping a B in GCSE maths and getting a Social Sciences 2:1 from Durham that consisted of £1.50 pints and fifa with some light work squashed in, possibly wasn’t the best prep for the ACA. Even if we’d actually had some tuition and a decent amount of time to complete the exams my selfish desire to have a social life would probably still have been my downfall….

I don’t really go in for wishy washy “thanks for memories” emails in all honestly I haven’t particularly enjoyed much of time at PwC largely related to exam stress and having a low boredom threshold. To chronicle my magical journey through the meat grinder of PwC I’ve compiled a couple of lists of things that I did and some that I didn’t:

What I didn’t do:

Stock counts
Understand bank reconciliations
Learn anything about excel
Play table tennis well
Much overtime
Read library procedures
Self Review Work
Ever make it to Lola’s after the 3 Summer Balls I attended
Learn anything in a PwC training course
Use Spark
Mince my words in the you matter survey
Consistently pass exams
Give a toss
What I did do:

Resided in three business units gradually getting further and further away from the work I signed up for.
Wear a purple lab coat whilst physically inspecting a hydrocarbon testing lab.
Work on 7 different types of engagements (Jack of all trades doesn’t really cover it).
Chat absolute shite in EGA’s
Claimed a lot of mileage money
Seen the inside of lots of grim local government and NHS buildings
Had to bring my own tea, milk and mug to said buildings
Helped to uncover the “Clownbridge Clounty Clouncil” £142 Million assets under construction blunder (Real credit to James Yianni I was at least present there)
Physically verified a breast cancer screening van in Dereham
Spent last summer sat in basement in Theford testing housing benefit payments
Did a tour of Stoke on Trent’s finest supermarket pharmacies
Physically inspected an operating table as a patient was being wheeled onto it
Attend peergroup meetings completely dominated by (ed: name removed) talking
Met Matthias
Picked Mahrez from the start of the season in the office fantasy football league (still didn’t win)
Felt relieved when I was told I was being sacked
As you can see the highlights make it sound interesting but as we all know it generally isn’t. To those determined to get to the top of the PwC ponzi scheme I say good luck but there’s certainly easier ways to earn money, but I commend your superior boredom thresholds and willingness to sacrifice free time.

All things must however come to an end just like my career prospects and going on facebook at work, so I’ll close by mentioning some things I’ll miss and some I won’t:

I certainly won’t miss explaining that I’m not from Yorkshire, getting mocked for speaking differently and explaining that Stoke City are in fact an established Premier League team .

What I will miss is the people I’ve met. The only thing that has made any of this bearable (in fairness its probably just having someone to moan at), oh and milage money.

So its time for me to roll off this audit permanently leaving a bucket load of unanswered coaching notes, some suspect testing approaches and incomplete testing templates.

Audits’ loss is definitely benefit streets’ gain.

In a bit….

Oliver P

Oliver told The Tab the email took about an hour to write. That’s probably the most work he’s done in months.

[via The Tab]

Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.