This Lamb Was Born With A Human Face And It’s Terrifying Because Lambs Should Have Lamb Faces

I woke up this morning under the false pretense that all lambs were created equal. I had the outlandish expectation that lambs have lamb faces, and say “BAAAAA!” and do lamb things. Not a few of them. Not the majority of them. ALL OF THEM. Now my whole fucking world has been turned on its head. How do I continue living my life and going about my daily responsibilities knowing this thing exists? How am I supposed do my laundry or file my taxes knowing there was a lamb that was born in Southwest Russia that has the same face as that girl I took home from the bar last week?

Because I’m having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on this one. The only thing I see is the night light I just plugged into my bedroom wall so I have a fighter’s chance at getting some sleep tonight. And if I have trouble sleeping, I’ll just count sh….sharks. Sharks.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.