The Largest Python You Will Ever See Was Spotted On A Golf Course In South Africa

It looks like that long, wiry dump that you dropped in the toilet, snapped a picture for your group texts, and had reservations about flushing found its way out of the toilet and ended up on a golf course off the coast of South Africa.

I’m going to contact my local senator and ask that he push a bill into law that sees that the worst offending criminals (murderers, pedophiles, people who text in movie theaters, etc.) be put in a large room with this python before their court-ordered sentencing. Crime is this country would be a thing of the past and I’d have a statue made of my bust in museums everywhere. Win-win.

P.S. Hey Chad, fall back bro. You’re out of your element.

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Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.