First off, awesome GIF. Animals doing human shit, always compelling stuff.
But let’s cut the fat here. Get down to brass tacks.
I need your help.
The long and short of it is that I made a bet with my colleague Rebecca Martinson at the beginning of the month where the person who drives in the least amount of traffic for the month has to chug Papa John’s garlic sauce. Needless to say, I’m getting my dick pushed in. Like I’m not even within shouting distance. And you should see her walking around with her head held high, her chest puffed out, doing victory laps around the office, calling me a shitty blogger, telling me I’m adopted. It’s starting to get personal.
I’ve laid awake at nights praying to the Bro Gods, but before I finish the prayer, I usually get bored and log on to PornHub. So having you bros like the shit out of this karate chimp post is my Hail Mary. I’m a desperate fool at the end of my pitiful rope. I’ll never bother you bros for anything again. Until next month when I drunkenly agree to another bet, grossly overestimating my talents.
P.S. I have high cholesterol and a pint of garlic sauce could sent me into cardiac arrest. You don’t want that on your conscience.