No one goes to McDonald’s because they’re looking for a Michelin star meal; they go because it’s cheap, quick and they’re most likely inebriated to a degree. Unfortunately for the fast food staple, its golden years appear to be over – with the country now trending towards becoming more “health conscious,” it’s no surprise that McDonald’s has seen declining profits in recent years.
“How do we fix this?” asks Ronald, sitting atop his golden French-fry throne constructed by minimum wage workers. “How do we give the people what they want??”
“I know!” shouts the Hamburglar, “We make the food…BETTER.”
“GENIUS!” cries Ronald, “Because that’s what’s keeping people from eating at McDonald’s: not the fact that we’re featured in millions of World Star Hip Hop fight videos, or the fact that 80% of our customer base is drunk college kids who didn’t get their pizza order into Domino’s fast enough, or the fact that Wendy’s costs nearly the same and is 500x better. This will surely take us TO THE TOP!”
In reality, this strategy hasn’t really been working – McDick’s sales are still on the decline despite experimenting with all-you-can-eat fries, garlic fries and other new menu items that are an attempt at being “gourmet” when in reality, it’s the equivalent of throwing a prom dress on a turd: sure it looks better, but still, no.
But maybe their luck will change by mixing it up with their beef patties. According to USA Today, McDonald’s is testing fresh beef patties at 14 locations in the Dallas area:
The test has been going on since November, but “it’s very premature to draw any conclusions” yet, says spokeswoman Lisa McComb. Considering McDonald’s has 14,000 locations in the U.S., rolling out fresh patties to all of them would no doubt be a huge undertaking.
“Like all of our tests, this one, too, is designed to see what works and what doesn’t within our restaurants,” McComb says, adding that the company is monitoring operations, customer response and price points.
How long does this need to be tested? It either works or it doesn’t. Personally, I’m of the opinion that it won’t work – McDonald’s real battle here is crushing the perception that their food is essentially pig swill made for overweight poor people who unfortunately don’t know any better, and throwing up some fresh patties onto the menu ain’t changing that.