Now Men Are Timing Their Vasectomies to Coincide With March Madness

Ready for a story that makes modern man seem oafish, emasculated and stereotypically into #SPORTS?

Cool, then. Let’s head to CNN. Want things to start off with a forced simile? You don’t have a choice.

Forget college basketball players cutting down the nets after a victory. Some fans of March Madness are making their own monumental snips: vasectomies.

Here’s what one guy had to say.

“If you are going to be laid up on the couch for a few days, you might as well get (a vasectomy) done when there is some great college basketball on TV,” said Mike LaSalle, a 40-year-old father of two who had a vasectomy Friday. “You had all the conference championship games over the weekend and the NCAA tourney starts this week.”

Oh? Yes. Gotta watch sports! And apparently, one is an accident, two is a trend, three is a problem.

[Dr. Philip Werthman, urologist to the rich and famous in Los Angeles] says he is booked solid throughout the year, so he sees no spike in the number of vasectomies during March Madness. But he does see patients jockeying for coveted time slots just before and during the NCAA men’s basketball tournament by booking the procedures much earlier than usual.

Hey, that’s like a form of competition. That’s what MEN like to do.

A major clinic in Ohio reports it performs 40 or 50 more vasectomies a month before and during the 68-team basketball tourney.

GO BUCKEYES! Ready for some more descriptions of dudes straight out of a sitcom?

A lot of patients come in and say, “… you have to talk to my wife about it. Tell her what my limitations are and that I need to be on the couch. They’ll even tell us to exaggerate a little about how long it takes to recover.”

Yes, because men are incapable of talking to their wives about their medical procedures.

This is so stupid.

[Scissors via Shutterstock]