As If You Needed More Reasons To Not Visit Michigan, Their Lakes Now Have Piranha-Like Fish That Eat Testicles

Detroit is one of my favorite places to read about in the news. Not because I actually give a shit about Detroit or anything, but because it’s always nice to have a reminder that, even though I may not like the area I live in now, at least it’s not Detroit. Really, the entirety of Michigan falls into that category, because fuck snow. But now we have yet another reason to actively avoid what is quickly becoming the armpit of America, and that reason would be piranha-esque fish that legit eat your testicles when you’re swimming.

” Native to South America, the omnivorous freshwater fish is usually found in the Amazon and the rivers of Papua New Guinea. However, the pacu found in Michigan is just the most recent sighting in U.S. waterways…

When a wild pacu was found in waters off Denmark, Henrik Carl of the Natural History Museum of Denmark warned male swimmers to keep their trunks tied tight. ‘They bite because they’re hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouths,’ he said…

Two men in Papua New Guinea allegedly died in 2011 after pacus castrated them, and a toddler required surgery when one of the fish (originally misreported to be a piranha) bit her finger at Scottish wildlife center in 2004.”

Via Vocativ

That’s fucking horrifying. You’re welcome for giving you another reason to actively avoid the state of Michigan all together…as if you needed another excuse besides Detroit.

[H/T Vocativ]