Today in Seemingly Harmless Decisions That Ruin Someone’s Life: Mississippi Mayor sends a dick pick to his trusted girlfriend (like we’ve likely all done in the past calendar year) and she sends it around to all his political cronies and eventually, the entire internet!
I do not envy Hernando, Mississippi Mayor Chip Johnson’s life right now after a dick and face pic he took in the shower for his girlfriend in Little Rock was sent out to his colleagues. According to Mississippi’s KFVS, The email, which included the picture and was sent to at least seven of the city’s alderman, was titled ‘Your Mayor.’
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Interviewing the poor bastard afterwards is like taking a picture of someone passed out with puke dribble on his chin and posting it to Facebook. Barbarianist journalism at its best. “Hey you did something that is completely normal and some hussie betrayed you and now no one will be able to say your last name without thinking about your lifeless dick. How do you feel about that? Huh? HUH? BATHE IN IT. And you didn’t even ask him the most looming question: why she sent it in the first place. That’s where the meat is. Literally.
PLEASE, can we #NeverForget the biggest power move to hit the political scene since Clinton got a blumpkin in the oval office–Weinergate, of course. Former US House Rep Anthony Weiner’s not one, but TWO dick pic scandals. The original Weinergate cost him his seat in Congress and the second one derailed his campaign for mayor of New York City. How big of balls do you have to have to make that same mistake twice? Oh, actually I can tell you because I’ve seen them a couple times–they look like a full water balloon during No Shave November. Honestly, that guy deserves wayyyy more credit than the media has given him. Handing out dick pics like parking tickets. Not even mad. Your commitment is honorable. Your dick is weird.
P.S. The last two mayors who shot their dicks off recklessly had last names of Weiner and Johnson. I’ve never believed in destiny until now.