People Shared Their Most Impressive Feats Performed While Drunk And We Are A True Nation Of Heroes

Taking a break from the usual sexual-related questions over at “Ask Reddit” today we have a different, but equally scintillating topic of conversation.

Redditor modtrainer posed this question to the peanut gallery, “What’s the most impressive thing you’ve ever done while drunk?

If ever there was a query certain to elicit some fascinating responses this one most definitely qualifies.

And it delivered, as one would expect, with some crazy-ass shit.

Here are some of the highlights…

Fixed my truck. Don’t know what was wrong with it, still don’t, but one night I was blackout drunk and when I woke up there were tools everywhere and the truck ran fine. ~ awildredditappears

Fell backwards down my basement steps, slammed into a book shelf, and didn’t spill my Coors Light tall boy. ~ HowlAgain

My friend and I found an office chair and a discarded stroller around last call and hosted drag races along the downtown block. Bets and everything. Somehow we gathered around 50 people. ~ xShelter

Start a relationship that still lasts, nearly 8 years later, by confessing her my love on the phone while completely drunk. ~ mr_nephos

Fucked a couch. But I asked if it was okay first. ~ machinegundelli

I left a party drunk in college to walk to Wendys to get somthing to eat. I was black out drunk, and came to when I was walking through a field. I had no idea where I was, I was cut up and bloody, and my clothes were torn. It turns out I left me my jacket at the party, I walked 3 miles out of town and crossed through a few barbed wire fences in the dead of winter in Laramie Wyoming. I did not freeze to death, that was impressive. ~ wrangler04

Assembled an Ikea kitchen table, four matching chairs, and two bookcases.

Totally forgot I did it so when I woke up it was like the Ikea elves came. ~ snakeoil-huckster

I was walking with a friend I met at a resort and she said she had to use the washroom and told me to wait. I got bored and climbed 2 stories up the wall and just chilled in someone’s private balcony. I found it hilarious when she came back to try and find me. It wasn’t so funny when I fell down trying to get down. ~ AnnoyinWarrior

In my college career I’ve had many “black outs” where to everyone else they thought I was mildly drunk, but I would have no recollection of the days before.

This one time however, driving to LA I was drinking Smirnoff and skittles. Never a good idea. Apparently I asked my buddy Andrew, the driver, to pull over. I managed to pee, puke, and hold the door open, all without getting any food bits on my shoes. I didn’t puke just a little bit, I projectile vomited some 3-5 feet of ramen noodles.

I was told this story the next morning, as they had left me in the car to sleep instead of waking me to come inside the hotel. ~ pootaboo

While climbing down from a larger boat (50 ft motor yacht) to a smaller boat (18ft flats boat) at the Columbus Day Regatta in Miami, I stumbled, did a complete front somersault, then landed butt first on the seat perfectly like I meant to – all without spilling a sip of my drink. Swear to God, I have witnesses. This was, however, 20+years ago, so no photographic evidence. Good times. ~ mrsmph

My roommate and I got shit faced the first night we moved in and when we woke up the next morning we noticed something looked different in our apartment. We hung up about 20 bar mirrors with a hammer, nails, and hooks – and they were all perfectly level and spread out equidistant. We also received an email that we caused a noise disturbance from the apartment complex. ~ Dirtychorizo

I ran over a mile non stop in the middle of Buffalo winter from the party back to my dorm while holding in a massive dump because drunk me didn’t want to use the frat house bathrooms and was too prideful to be the guy caught taking a deuce in the backyard. ~ SuperstarTinsanity

At a baller-ass wedding, I got wrecked at an open bar. During the reception, 18 inches of snow fell so most everybody stayed the night. After the reception, we took the party downstairs to the well-stocked hotel bar and I proceeded to start double-fisting Troegs Mad Elf (11%!!). During the course of my eventual blackout, I blurted out to the wedding party that my wife was secretly pregnant (my wife didn’t want to steal the bride’s thunder) and made the bride cry as a result.

This was not the impressive part.

The impressive part was that fact that the bar had a large piece of pottery that could fit a full sized man in it. According to the photographic evidence, that full size man was me. I have absolutely no recollection of the incident. I apparently even got the father of the bride to promise to bankroll the $20,000 (he could afford it) I would owe if I broke the pot while getting into it. The night ended with me sleeping on the floor of our room instead of making it to the bed. Still the best wedding I’ve ever been to. ~ beakerx82

Put on a pretty explicit 20 minute solo show for a boyfriend over Skype videochat that was recorded. It’s since been distributed and continues to get compliments here and there.

Really handy as a self esteem booster to look at the comments when I’m feeling kinda unattractive. ~ NyuuHaffu

While drunk on tequila, at the age of 16, in the span of one night, I:

– had a threesome with two asian chicks in my bedroom, while my parents were about 25 feet away.
– drove both of said asian chicks home, while blisteringly drunk, without a license or even a permit
– saw cop lights in my rear-view while I was driving 65+ on a 35 street.
– got the brilliant idea to turn off my headlights while driving… so the cop couldn’t see me anymore… (I forgot that when I used the brake I was still perfectly visible from behind)
– quickly pulled into my driveway and hoped for the best… but the cop soon pulled in behind me, of course
– he asked me if this was where I lived (I said “yeah”), told me it wasn’t legal to drive barefoot (I said “oh”), told me to drive slower from now on and let me off without even asking for a license.

The path my life could have taken had that night gone just a little bit differently…. wow. ~ pbspry

And I think we have a winner!

Check out the rest of the amazing drunk feats and the riveting comments that followed over at Reddit.

Drunk man image by Shutterstock