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As you know Dad Bod is all the rage (at least for another 2 days until someone says something offensive on Twitter and then we can all try to ruin their lives!). While it’s nice that we are encouraging the young men of our society to have a small gut and drink beer I’d like to point out that Dad Bod is far from the only dadism out there. Like #dadbod, you don’t actually need to be a father to have these qualities. Please take a moment to educate yourself because there is a dad in all of us.
#DadDreams
This is on a sliding scale but ranges from “hoping you come home to an empty house so you can fall asleep watching golf” all the way to “praying that your entire family dies PEACEFULLY in a fire so you can start over, this time with someone who gets you, like Carrie from the coffee shop!”
#DadJokes
What exactly is a dad joke? You may miss it because it doesn’t have the same structure or usual “humor” associated with a classic joke. Puns are welcome but not necessary. Dad Jokes can’t be put in a box; you just know it when you hear it. For example if you are looking in a mirror with your girlfriend next to you before you head out to dinner and you say “Wow, looking great…oh and you look ok yourself!” That’s 1000% a dad joke. To strengthen it even more you have to follow up with “Ah I can’t help myself!” Extra points for anything said to a waitress where other members of your table openly cringe.
#DadElbow
AKA Tennis elbow. Actually this can be serious so if you’re suffering from this hit up a doctor immediately!
#DadFight
This includes lots of shoving, grabbing collars and saying “Don’t make me do it!” While dad fighting may include rolling around on the ground with a guy in a headlock, at no point will anybody land a punch to the face. Common DF places include family cookouts, sporting event parking lots and arcades.
#DadPay
Forget Venmo or PayPal or any other hippie bullshit youngsters use to pay each other for their used art supplies. DadPay is when you say “What do you need?” then pull out a wad of bills and credit cards with low APR. “Take this and get whatever you need.” I’ve never been able to DadPay so I don’t know how it feels but I bet it’s great. You can tell the DadPayer is happy because afterwards they usually say “I’m just glad I can help out.”
#DadStrength
Sure you may have a Dad Bod and have no clue how to fight but it doesn’t mean you’re not weirdly strong. DS is when you can arm-wrestle someone 20 years younger than you and win by pure determination. DS is when you lift a couch above your head helping a friend that you don’t even like, move. DS is the ability to poke somebody with your index finger and leave a mark right on their chest. DadStrength can’t be measured but I’ve been told the hairier your arms the more likely you are to have ridiculous amounts of DadStrength.
So there you go. While you honor Dad Bod for the next 12 hours remember there is a whole population of people living with other Dadisms. Let’s keep an open mind. #YesDadCan