This Old Lady Dancing To A Beatboxer On The Street Is Definitely Rolling Her Face Off

Rolling tits, right? Has to be. That’s the only way a casual dog walk turns into an all out twerk fest. She is living the lifestyle I am going to live when my balls wrinkle up. When I have one day off from work at my age, I get stoned until I forget where I put the bong. I can’t imagine the shit I’m going to get into when I’m old and retired and don’t feel the societal pressures of going to the gym. What the fuck am I going to do with all that free time–collect stamps? No, I’m going to do molly and drop it low to beatboxer while holding a bag of my dog’s shit. That’s living.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.