There’s something about being drunk-hungry that really makes you lose many of your vital decision-making skills. It’s probably 3 parts the excessive amount of alcohol in your system and 1 part blind hunger. We’ve all made horrible decisions concerning what we eat while less than sober. One time I was dangerously day-drunk and forgot I had made dinner plans with my then-girlfriend and her parents until they called to tell me that they were at the restaurant. In a drunken haze, I decided to go to a local quick stop on my walk to dinner and buy two loaves of bread to eat in hopes it would soak up most of the booze. You know what I learned about halfway through my meal? The human body was not created to handle two rapidly consumed loaves of bread on top of an entire afternoon of drinking.
That being said, my drunk eats have never gotten me arrested/in legal trouble. Just biological trouble. The same, unfortunately, can’t be said for this chick from Bowling Green State University:
A Bowling Green State University student was arrested on multiple charges after she reportedly stole a catering truck while intoxicated over the weekend. Monique Vanderhulst, 19…was arrested and charged with felony receiving stolen property, OVI/refusal, falsification, underage under the influence, and prohibited acts following the incident, which was reported at 6:35 p.m. Saturday. According to police, the truck, belonging to All Occasions Catering, Waldo, had been taken from the 400 block of East Court Street, where it had been left running while the owner was inside of a nearby building. The vehicle later pulled into BGSU Parking Lot A, where Bowling Green police conducted a stop of the truck. The vehicle had reportedly been observed striking a vehicle and running over curbs in another BGSU parking lot, and losing contents. Vanderhulst reportedly admitted to police that she had been drinking that day, and was reportedly found to be in possession of a fake Illinois ID which said she was 21. She told police that she did not know the vehicle was a truck and that she thought it was a car.
Firstly, props to my new favorite criminal Monique for getting ‘let’s steal a truck’ drunk before Happy Hour’s even over. This is what booze does to you. It makes you so hungry that you decide to take the whole restaurant home with you. Your drunk eyes are always bigger than your stomach. Most people would probably pop into the truck, steal a few plate of food and maybe pee in the corner before making a beeline to their dining room table to feast. That being said, it does seem to me that Ms. Vanderhulst was inevitably going to get arrested last night, it was just matter of how. I mean, what about her “Oh, this is a truck? I thought I was stealing a car” argument? That’s like shooting someone in the face and saying “Oh, I shot him in the face? I thought I was shooting his brother.” Also, real bold having your fake ID on you when getting collared for grand larceny. I may be in the minority, but if you have a fake ID, you probably should toss that bad boy aside before stealing someone else’s van and making a run for it. Especially in a post-9/11 world. You know who else drove a van where he shouldn’t have while using a fake ID? The Oklahoma City Bomber. Finally, if you’re stealing a truck, you may as well steal one that you know how to drive. There’s no better way to derail your big escape than by driving headlong into a parked car and totaling your vehicle.