People Are Not Happy With Sprite’s New Ad Campaign Likening A Soft Drink To Chicks Bangin’ A Bunch Of Dudes

People are the opposite of happy about Sprite’s new trying-to-be-edgy ad campaign that attempts to make the connection between a lemon and lime flavored soft drink to a chick’s sexually promiscuity. “She’s seen more ceilings than Michelangelo” is what they settled on,  under the hashtag #BrutallyHonest.

In a world where everyone’s looking for a reason to be offended (See: Forever 21’s ‘I Only Date Models’ kids t-shirts that almost caused people to loot the fucking place), Sprite you gotta be better than this. If you’re going to hang your hat on the sexist angle, you gotta be either funny or clever to soften the blow. This slogan sounds like it was created by someone who has to pay for sex.

Boy, would I have loved to be a fly on the wall at this marketing meeting.

Marketing Exec 1: Anyone got any ideas for a new campaign?

Exec 2: Dude, it’s summer. We don’t care.

Exec 1: Bill, another word, and I’ll put you on the Sunny Delight account you fucking fuck.

Bill: No. Please. Sunny Delight tastes like Satan’s taint.

Exec 1: Then give me a fucking idea so I can go have a cigarette.

*Bill opens Marketing 101 textbook. Chapter 1: SEX SELLS*

Bill: Oh how bout, uh, ‘She’s seen more ceilings than Michelangelo.’

Exec 1: Bill, what does that have to do with an increasingly irrelevant soft drink?

Bill: What’s the matter, Bob. Never fucked before?

Bob: Shut up, Bill! I’ve had plenty of sexual intercourse with real life women!

Cheryl: If I may chime in here, not only does that slogan not relate to our product, but Michelangelo has seen like, one big ceiling. The slogan doesn’t make any sense. It’s a reach. Bill, good try, fuckface.

Bill: I may be a fuckface but at least I’ve been laid before ain’t that right, Bob?


But wait, they ain’t done!

You made your bed, Sprite. Now you gotta sleep in it. HOPEFULLY WITH A CHICK! *high five*

[h/t Some eCards]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.