FOUR YEARS. FOUR FUCKING YEARS. That’s how long this shitty Facebook privacy hoax has been around. And yet here we are, near the end of 2015, and dipshits are still posting a fake Facebook privacy status from 2012.
You’ve seen it in your Facebook feed, an all-mighty and powerful post with legal-looking mumbo jumbo that idiots copy and paste into their status updates that they truly believes MAGICALLY protects all of their important photos and data that they willingly share on Facebook.
There are variations, but typically this horseshit chain mail garbage looks as such:
Due to the fact that Facebook has chosen to involve software that will allow the theft of my personal information, I state: at this date of January 4, 2015, in response to the new guidelines of Facebook, pursuant to articles L.111, 112 and 113 of the code of intellectual property, I declare that my rights are attached to all my personal data drawings, paintings, photos, video, texts etc. published on my profile and my page. For commercial use of the foregoing my written consent is required at all times.
Those who read this text can do a copy/paste on their Facebook wall. This will allow them to place themselves under the protection of copyright. By this statement, I tell Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, broadcast, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and or its content. The actions mentioned above also apply to employees, students, agents and or other personnel under the direction of Facebook.
The content of my profile contains private information. The violation of my privacy is punishable by law (UCC 1-308 1-308 1-103 and the Rome Statute).
Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are invited to publish a notice of this kind, or if they prefer, you can copy and paste this version.
If you have not published this statement at least once, you tacitly allow the use of elements such as your photos as well as the information contained in the profile update.
Now if I only saw my technologically illiterate Aunt Gertrude post this ridiculous status I could understand, but I am seeing people I went to school with post this obvious hoax.
However I propose that we start sharing this pretend “privacy” statement for halfwits to copy and paste in their profiles.
Due to the fact that I am an individual who can’t think for themself and just re-post spam that I see on Facebook, I have chosen to show all my friends and family just how completely naive I am. My personal information has never been my own on any social media platform and I am completely overestimating the interest in my overexposed photos of my chicken parm sandwich that I had for lunch and the 3,071 pics of my dopey kids doing regular tasks that a monkey can do.
I state: at this date of September 28, 2015, in response to the the same fucking guidelines that I agreed upon when I signed up to Facebook 8 years ago after I realized that MySpace sucked a fat one because it had too many glitter GIFs and countdown clocks. Pursuant to articles L.420, 69 and HEH8ME of the code of intellectual property, I declare that my rights are attached to all my personal data, my dick pics, my shitty vertical videos, worthless opinions, unwanted political perspectives, and the generic “Happy Birthday” messages published on my profile and my page. For commercial use of the foregoing my written consent to Major League Baseball is required at all times
Those who read this text can do a copy/paste on their Facebook wall. This will allow them to waste their time and effort on a dumb scam that I was too stupid to realize.
You own all of the content and information you post on Facebook, and you can control how it is shared through your privacy and application settings. In addition, for content that is covered by intellectual property rights, like photos and videos (IP content), you specifically give us the following permission, subject to your privacy and application settings: you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any IP content that you post on or in connection with Facebook (IP License). This IP License ends when you delete your IP content or your account unless your content has been shared with others, and they have not deleted it.
But relax your tits, because nobody wants your precious photos of your Buffalo Blasts appetizer from The Cheesecake Factory.
There is another rumor that’s going around faster than gonorrhea between Tinder users. The scam states that Facebook will begin charging a monthly fee to keep your data private.
FACEBOOK JUST RELEASED THEIR PRICE GRID FOR MEMBERSHIP. $9.99 PER MONTH FOR GOLD MEMBER SERVICES, $6.99 PER MONTH FOR SILVER MEMBER SERVICES, $3.99 PER MONTH FOR BRONZE MEMBER SERVICES, FREE IF YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE BEFORE MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. WHEN YOU SIGN ON TOMORROW MORNING YOU WILL BE PROMPTED FOR PAYMENT INFO… IT IS OFFICIAL IT WAS EVEN ON THE NEWS. FACEBOOK WILL START CHARGING DUE TO THE NEW PROFILE CHANGES. IF YOU COPY THIS ON YOUR WALL YOUR ICON WILL TURN BLUE AND FACEBOOK WILL BE FREE FOR YOU. PLEASE PASS THIS MESSAGE ON IF NOT YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE DELETED IF YOU DO NOT PAY!
STOP YELLING AT ME!
This is also a hoax.
These gullible simpletons are the same fuckheads who tell undercover cops that they have to admit that they’re cops if they’re asked otherwise it’s entrapment.
For fuck’s sake stop posting idiotic status updates that simply aren’t true. Or if you can’t handle this sort of confusion, maybe it’s time that you cancel your Facebook account and go to something your tiny walnut-sized Stegosaurus brain can understand, like maybe MySpace or AIM.