Prisoner Sneaks Cell Phone Into Cell And Gives In-Depth Review Of His Quaint One Bed, One Bath


I’ve been locked in a jail cell one time. For four hours. After doing as many pushups as physically possible (39) and contemplating my next tattoo, I settled into one hell of a depression. It was the longest, most oppressing four hours of my life, even while being blackout-ish drunk. I never acknowledged my freedom of choice until it was momentarily taken from me. And the dude in the cell across from me was masturbating. If I had been in for another hour, I would have whipped my hog as well. No judgement.

One intrepid prisoner was able to sneak his cell phone into the cell to give the free world an up close and personal look at his one bed/one bath, all in the form of a review one would see on Expedia.


Tile walls. Very feng shui.

prison 2

No need to line the seat bruh. No one else is dumping in that tin can. I’m kinda jealous you got your own bathroom though.

prison 3

Ah, a doorway. Good stuff.

prison 5

The wall decoration is very tasteful. Bed, Bath & Beyond? TJ Maxx?

prison 6

Just looking at this slop has given me diarrhea.


So there you have it. Are you scared straight yet, bros? On the bright side, the joint is rent-free.

P.S. This is why I got arrested. Did a little slip-n-slide during a rain delay at the Red Sox game. The best 45 seconds of my entire life. Besides losing my virginity.

RELATED: I feel so good that Subway Jared is hating prison so much.

[h/t LADbible]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.