Guys Please Click On This Video Of A Seagull Stealing A GoPro And Capturing Footage Of The Spanish Coast. For Me.

Full disclaimer: when I let my co-workers know I was blogging about a seagull, I was mocked. “Wow what a heater, Matt!” “No one likes you, Matt.” “Dude didn’t your ex give you chlamydia?” Among other hurtful insults, some of which veered off topic. I’m honestly surprised they didn’t strip me naked, slap a scarlett letter on my chest, and beat me with a pillow case full of soap bars in Times Square. I imagine as I wiped the blood from my eyes and looked into up into my “teammate” David Covucci’s enraged eyes as he prepared to deliver another debilitating blow, I’d mutter my last attempt at mercy:  “But, but David you blogged about baby goats wearing cute little wool sweaters…” before he silenced my cries permanently.

Ya that would probably be worst case scenario.

But I think the video holds some merit and–OK LOOK, I made a bet with Rebecca that whoever beats the other in traffic for the month of July, the loser has to chug three Papa John’s garlic sauces. Like to the face. She’s kicking my fucking ass. Like I’m not even within shouting distance. And if you know Rebecca, she’s the kick-you-when-you’re-down type. Relentless. I honestly hope my ex gives me chlamydia again so I can take a few days away from the office to avoid her bullying. So posting a video of a seagull filming the Spanish Coast is clearly grasping at straws.  So will you do me a favor and just share this video with your grandmother or your librarian or some shit? Oh and don’t click on any of Rebecca Martinson’s posts. Saw her filling out an ISIS application the other day. Fucked up, I know.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.