Shitfaced Drunk Old Guy Playing Dizzy Bat On Spring Break Is Everything I Aspire To Be

Class of ’77 represent. For any aging soul who’s doubted their ability to ‘College’, this dude is a symbol of Hope, a living, breathing green beacon of light at the end of the dock separating East and West Egg. The only thing that would make this video more perfect is if it showed what inevitably happened after: him screwing a fleet of hot college chicks in his dusty letterman jacket. I just wish I were there to take it all in.

I’d also be interested in hearing how he spins it to his kids as they wait by themselves at school waiting for daddy to come pick them up. Tell them to walk, just like you did during the Great Depression. Party on, playa.

“Hold the bottom, asshole!” Ignore the noise.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.